Lonely and Moany
11 June 2019 at 12:11 am #26248
Sorry to offload here, it would be really nice to hear from other people in the same situation. I have two (mostly 😂) wonderful children, work full time, have no family nearby and an ex who lives abroad so very rarely sees the kids. I have no life beyond work and the kids; taking them to and from breakfast and after school clubs, then to and from their various evening sporting activities, cooking dinner, tidying away and crawling into bed after maybe some trashy telly. I should be grateful for what I have and I mostly am, but I do feel sorry for myself sometimes. It feels SO hard and like I’m on a conveyor belt of activities none of which are for me. I never get a break. I don’t feel I can leave the kids on their own, can’t afford a babysitter and don’t foresee a time I will ever get to go out and enjoy myself again. I’d kill for some time at the gym or just for someone else to do the cooking for a change. (And for the kids to eat their vegetables without whinging, but that would be unrealistic 😅) I’ve been on my own for nearly 8 years now (kids were 2&4 when ex and I split) and I’m starting to wonder if this is all there is left in life. I’ve always put them first and willingly sacrificed my own social life. I’d never be without my kids, they are my life, but I’m wondering how to get a bit of time back for me…11 June 2019 at 2:46 am #26249
It’s relentless isn’t it. Even getting your hair cut is a major operation.
your children are 10 & 12? My son is 10 and in the last year I have taken back a sliver of life.
Most Saturday mornings I settle him with his breakfast & the phone and ScoobyDoo, and I take an hour to do Park Run. It’s very local and he usually doesn’t move off the sofa. He knows not to answer the door and to ring if anything is wrong.
And I’ve taught him to cook frozen pizza, beans on toast and fish fingers. He’s proud of his “independence”.
I only have one so a different dynamic. Would your two egg each other on to do daft stuff or are they reliable?
They are just at that age when you will be able to leave them for an hour or two. It should get easier, you’ve done the tough bit…..although the teen years are approaching so maybe I’m wrong.
But for the moment at least, there is a little window of opportunity 😁11 June 2019 at 12:10 pm #26264
Hiya, welcome to the forum, this is a great place to offload, moan and get other peoples opinions etc so don’t apologise ☺
As Kathy has said you’ve done the hard part where the children are very heavily dependant on you, now they are getting older you will get the chance to reclaim your life. My suggestion would be to try and find activities/clubs for the children that you can drop them off and then disappear for an hour or so to do your own thing, use that time for ‘me time’ rather than food shopping etc
It will start getting much easier now I promise.
Mark11 June 2019 at 5:04 pm #26312
Im feeling exactly the same, Ive recently split from my ex of two years (not my childrens Dad), Im feeling very lonely at the moment. I dont have many friends as I spent all my time with my ex and he didnt like people coming to the house, my children do see their Dad, not often but do see him, but when they do I feel so lost and lonely. I spend all my time running around for them and taking them to clubs etc when Im not working. When I am alone I havent got any money to do anything anyway Lol so i spend my days cleaning my house.
I know Im not much help here but I totally understand how you feel xx12 June 2019 at 1:45 am #26344
Loneliness and social isolation is what I suffer from since I split from my ex I moved to live with her from another part of the uk I have no friends or family now down she has my boys who are 2 and 4 has a new fella who already has met my kids and spends more time with them then I get now (not my choice) I now live in shared accommodation with 14 other residents which doesn’t allow children which was the only thing I could afford due to debts I’ve incurred from my old relationship, so I’m now up to my eyes in debt living in a crappy situation with no friends or family just my job and the occasional time I get to see my boys when she lets me when it suits her it feels like, I need some friends even if just online for now someone to get a message an email a txt from if you either want a chat a vent a friend send me a message this is for anyone who reads this as well I could do with some interaction with people in situations like myself12 June 2019 at 4:51 pm #26366
Thanks so much for your replies! It actually just helps to know you’re not the only one finding everything a bit tough. Kathy, you’re right, I can occasionally leave them for an hour. They are better alone than together. I once went for a run and returned to find them physically fighting so that stopped me doing it again until more recently. Jon, that is great advice, I really should use that time to do something I’d like rather than just food shopping/cooking, it’s just a case of getting the right mindset and not listening to the voice in my head that says I’m too tired to do anything other than drink tea and watch telly. Sam, it IS helpful to know someone else feels the same. I guess we just have to console ourselves that in years to come we’ll look back and miss our special time with the kids. LD I’m really sorry to hear about your situ, it sounds truly rubbish. I hope things look up for you and you get to see more of your kids soon.
I had to take son to a&e yesterday as he got a cricket bat in the face at school, so I’ve been at home with him all day. We’ve spent the day snuggled on the sofa watching Our Planet on Netflix. Obviously horrible re injury but quite a nice day otherwise! I’m sure he’ll be back to causing mayhem in a few days. Hope you’ve all had good days!12 June 2019 at 5:29 pm #26368
It’s wonderful but we have the same story, I have no family here and I immigrate to Oman for while, so there is no family , thwre is no time to spend for myself to go to the gym and have fun. By the way, there is no excuses, this is life and I’m responsible for him. He is 4 years old and believe me sometimes i talked with myself because, there is no one in my home, you got me? I talked with myself. Sometimes, I feel I’m the lonely guy in the world12 June 2019 at 10:33 pm #26375
Zumba is life…..
I also go to church and occasionally pop in to the local community centre which host an array of groups and get togethers.
Its definitely about finding that hour for just me and allowing older children responsibility.
My eldest is declaring boyfriends. Shes 13, reasonably sensible but because she doesn’t live with me full time ive sort of just brushed it under the carpet.
You know, like the ‘boyfriend’ on holiday and now the more ‘serious’ boyfriend at secondary school.
So yeah zumba for life. .
Zumba, seperate bedrooms, no hand holding, mouth wash and condoms!!!😱😱😱😨🤯😩😟😕13 June 2019 at 12:09 am #26384
Hi Sportly Mum
Sounds like you’re having a really rubbish time of it – you’ve come to the right place, everyone here is in a similar boat and you’ll always find people that understand and will listen!
It will get easier as they grow older and are more independent – perhaps finding something they can both do together like Scouts – if they go on weekend camp, you’d get the whole weekend to yourself.
Most importantly, you’re doing great, and your children know how hard you work for them – this, they will always remember 😊