29 June 2019 at 8:10 pm #27052
I’ve recently separated from my husband and moved into a flat with my three year old daughter. She stays with her dad for half the week, so I am alone quite a lot. I’m finding it so difficult and lonely! I’ve never really had to be alone because my ex and I got together when I was just 14. I’m find that I miss company in the evenings so much- I just want someone to chat to!
Has as anyone else been through something similar? How do you learn to enjoy your own company?! I have lots of friends but they’re all married with small kids, so they’re usually always busy in the evenings as a family.
Many advice would be much appreciated!
Polly29 June 2019 at 8:55 pm #27053
Hi hope you are ok
Myself I’ve not been in a relationship long enough to know any different. I lived with my mum till last yr, so moving out at 28 with my son was daunting but has helped me gain a lot of independence and strength
Me and my son are now in our second place since i moved out haha so has been hectic. I find the evenings ok when he’s in bed i wind down and have a drink, read book, watch tv, tidy up, listen to music, iron or im not long after him going to bed. Haha some of that not exciting but gotta be done
My mum has him 2 nights a week and its mad i feel a bit lonely then but nice to relax. I try and meet up with friends or my cousins when i can
Do you have hobbies or interests you could take up when your daughter at her Dads?29 June 2019 at 9:08 pm #27055
I know what you mean about enjoying a bit of time away from the kids… I love my time with my girl, if I had it my way I would have her the whole time, but I realise that wouldn’t be good for her or her dad! But every now and then it is nice to be able to do the things that are difficult to do when you have a three year old with you.
I do have hobbies – I enjoy painting and playing the piano, but I have to be in the right kind of mood. They’re still quite lonely hobbies! I think part of the issue is that I have my girl on wed, thurs, fri and sat nights so it’s difficult to get out and meet new friends because most social events happen on the days when I have my daughter! Not many people are up for a night out on a Sunday 🤦🏼♀️😂29 June 2019 at 9:44 pm #27057
Yes it is good to have some time to yourself and as you say it is more difficult somethings with kids. I generally do cleaning or shopping while he at my mums, well around work as then when he’s home i can js do general everyday bits and have more time to try n go on days out with him.
Weather not as good today so er just went local shop and post office been a long day. My son is 20months old but doesnt rly like anyone coming rnd he generally screams when family come or i visit so we have to ride this phase out is a little challenging that one.
Yes generally its the weekend that is known for ppl socially wanting to do things but like me i used to think that about wed and thurs when my mum has him but its now who i decide to socialise with. Ppl are genrally not bothered about wknd or dont have free time then with work or kids so i fit it in quite well.
You never know they may want a sunday night out. Its fun to do different things on diff days haha30 June 2019 at 1:01 pm #27065
Being on your own is s#!t.
I done an ooen university course but then had to really manage my time so that half hour where you’d normally just watch some telly became intensive reading and 500 words towards the first TMA.
I also do the church thing. Volunteering etc. Where i am in essex there quite proactive via the churches together movement in the area so theres matience days, care based duties and general voluntary commitments but if you’ve never gone to church it can sometimes be a bit daunting and tough to crack. Also try your local community centre even some CMHT outlets can be quite rewarding hosting various craft and group activities.
But the truth remains being on your own sucks……
Have you approached any Gingerbread meet up groups?2 July 2019 at 8:12 am #27148
I know how you feel. I’m a single dad of 5 children. I work full time and have an au pair that lives with me to help with the children. My ex walked out 2 years ago and I still feel so lonely. I hate it. I can come home after work on Friday at 5pm and not talk to or see another adult until I go back to work on Monday morning. My friends have children and partners and have their own lives. I miss simple things, like having a chat and telling someone what I’ve done that day or having someone to watch a movie with. I’ve tried dating sites, but potential women either live too far away or having five children puts them off! I’ve tried school groups and such, but they’re mostly mums and it can sometimes be awkward to start a conversation with them.2 July 2019 at 9:13 am #27151
Hi. Welcome to the forum.
Loneliness does suck and it’s the same for many of us single parents. I’m not sure it gets easier but in time it does tend to feel less acute, I’m at the stage where being in a relationship again seems somehow a fantasy so it doesn’t bother me as much but there are still times where the loneliness seems overwhelming.
I echo Liane in that it might be worth checking out your local gingerbread group, here’s the link to see if there’s one near you:
All the best
Mark2 July 2019 at 10:43 am #27156
My partner walked out on me and the kids two weeks ago (aged 5 & 8 months) he was spending a lot of time out with his friends and wasn’t giving him family any time, I finally broke down; sat and told him how lonely I felt and that’s when he told me he hasn’t been happy for a while. I’m praying there’s no one else involved but right now I’m utterly devastated. Just know you are not alone 💖13 September 2019 at 10:50 pm #30342
It’s been over a month since I last posted on here. I still hate being alone. I’m finding the divorce battles exhausting and am desperate for it all to be over, but unfortunately we are so very far from that being able to happen. I’ve been keeping myself busy on the days without my daughter by walking here there and everywhere.
Funniky enough, since I last posted, I have realised I find the evenings when I have my daughter the hardest. When she is awake it’s glorious and happy but then when she goes to bed, the evenings seem endless. I obviously can’t go out while she is asleep so I end up just existing here, alone and miserable. I can’t motivate myself to paint or play the piano or do anything really. I feel totally lonely but I don’t wanna be around family or friends… I know that sounds crazy. I don’t even understand it myself. I keep waiting for things to get easier, and in some ways they have, but in other ways, they’ve just got worse.
I am hating it all so much 😞 Please someone tell me they’ve been here before and that it gets better???