Loneliness is killing me

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  AmyLondon 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #27408 Report

    Charmie
    Participant

    Hi everyone

     

    First posting here

    Partner of 8 years left me 18 months ago, at the time my baby was only three months, he started dating someone else straight away (which hurt)

    I usually am quite a strong person, but I just can’t get out the rut recently… I am so lonely, it’s like a black cloud that hangs over my head constantly.

    My friends/family are too busy with their own lives and I just feel that I can’t stand this empty feeling anymore.

    I cry every day, my boy brings me so much happiness, but I feel like I am being a bad mum as I should be a happy mummy and not a lonely sad depressed one.

    I dread when he goes to bed at night because I know I’ll be alone again, and the weekend are just horrendous

     

     

    #27411 Report

    TG1830
    Participant

    Hi Charmie

    So sorry you’re feeling like this. My relationship with my sons father ended over a year ago and he is with someone new and it does really hurt. My confidence is very low and feel bad that my son sees me so upset but I think it’s totally normal we’re only human. Have you looked into counselling at all? I hadn’t until recently and have my first session on Tuesday I’m just hoping to get back to my old self. Does your sons father have him any nights so you can get some proper time to yourself? I try and see my friends every few weeks I know how hard it is as they all have their lives and have to arrange everything in advance but I’m always a bit happier if I’ve got something to look forward to. The last few weeks haven’t been great for me feeling lonely too so feel free to message me anytime. X

    #27412 Report

    Charmie
    Participant

    Hi there

     

    Thank you for responding.

    yeah he takes him twice a week (days he picks) but to be honest I hate when my son leaves me as he’s the only company I have.

    I was fine the first year, but the last 6 months have been hell, I have never experienced loneliness like this before in my life and I am really struggling.

    I try and arrange meet ups with my friends but they always cancel and then I just feel awful again.

    Thats good that you have friends who you meet up with, it must be good to have something to look forward to and be able to not be lonely for an evening.

     

    Have  you thought about dating again? X

    #27413 Report

    Winnie7465
    Participant

    Hi Charmie. I know what you’re going through. A similar situation to myself.  People used to say to me to make time for myself and do things you enjoy and although I found it a bit of a cliche at first, it made a difference to me. Might not be so easy in your situation, but even small things can help. I still find it weird sometimes and quite lonely when they are not here but we all need a break from things.  The loneliness can be hard.  I’ve found Gingerbread good and lost of us in similar circumstances.  Happy to chat anytime.

    #27416 Report

    Charmie
    Participant

    Hi winnie

     

    Thanks for your response.

    I have tried to do things, I started a keep fit class and I do read a lot and paint, but the minute I stop all the feelings just come right back.

     

    I know I need to try and work on myself and getting my old self back but it’s just so hard.

    #27417 Report

    Woo
    Participant

    Hey Charmie, I hear ya! It doesn’t matter how many friends or family you have either that loneliness kicks arse.

    I don’t have family, and very few friends, I’ve lost a lot over the past decade, re started over and over again and even gone on to have more two children that I never expected!

    It passes and comes back, which is why I’m here, I cannot go on being lonely, I can’t go through day to day with no adult contact, I’m dreading the summer holidays, really dreading it.

    Do you work? Are there groups or anyone at pre school/school you get on with?

    #27418 Report

    Winnie7465
    Participant

    It is really hard but it is so worth it.  I found music helped a lot and watching funny things on tv.  I use twitter a fair bit too as i can do chores at the same time.  Also just chatting to people on-line or reading blogs of interest.  For me though it’s not just about doing things i enjoy but saying to myself I’m actually doing a good job and giving myself some credit because there isn’t always anyone else to say these things.

    #27419 Report

    TG1830
    Participant

    I’m the same where I can be ok while I’m busy but as soon as I’m on my own it all kicks in again and some days are worse than others. Keep chatting to people though I think these forums are good and knowing you’re not the only one feeling this way. I would love to meet someone one day but my confidence is so low I struggle to make conversation with anyone at the moment.

    #27421 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hey everyone

    Hope your all well. It is definitely something we all feel at times. It can hit you at any point the feeling of loneliness. My Mum has my son on a Wednesday from 7pm till i pick him up same time friday. We all do something on Wednesday as its my day off and my mum always says she will do things with me and my son. She is amazing. When i come home though its strange being on my own. Nice to have a break but mad that he’s not toddling around and making me laugh

    Everyone has their own things going on and lives but its nice to see people and socialise. I have a good family who always keep in touch and make time and we do same with them. My couson is changing a shopping trip to Tuesday to come and spend afternoon with us tomorrow when i finish work. Little things like that mean a lot even though i would js have popped to see her soon anyway

    I have got to the point where if peopel dont bother or are always too busy to ever meet then i dont wanna know. No one is ever too busy, people work have family, have shopping, cleaning, holidays, running errands but if they dont make an effort i dont really wanna make effort back.

    Shame people dont get out enough. Its tough when you have kids, tough when you sit at home of an evening, im lucky to have family but only rly see 1 friend as she doesnt make excuses and has 3 kids but she finds time for everyone.

    I deffo like to catch up with this forum of an evening to chat to others. I also watch bit of tele tho not as often as i used to but i read or listen to music. I try and plan meeting up with people when my mum has my son. Some weeks i am out both nights some weeks nothing on and at home but i go visit my gran and grandad for an hr after drop my son off and home to bed so dont rly feel lonely

    A drive helps too music playing. I sometimes pop to supermarket of an evening its quiet and sometimes im well buzzing to grab some bargains Haha

    #27423 Report

    Kendo
    Participant

    Hi, Charmie,

    Hi, I understand exactly how you feel. I was married for 15 years and it ended almost overnight. Two years on, I’m now a 46 year old, divorced, single dad bringing up 5 children, full time, by myself. My life is busy with work, school and the children. But, when they’re in bed, I feel so lonely. I’ve been on dating sites recently, and it is so hard to find someone.

    I’m there for the children, but no one is there for me. Emotionally or physically. I miss having a glass of wine and a chat, cuddling on the couch, sharing experiences with someone. Even cooking a nice meal.

    I can get home after work on Friday at 5pm and not talk or see another adult until I’m back in work at 8am on Monday. I don’t have any friends here. I actually feel like I’m losing my social skills, because of my lack of social interaction. I lie in bed and wonder if this is is the way the rest of my life is going to be now. So, you’re not alone. Feel free to message me anytime you feel lonely, I’m sure we could always find something to chat about. Stay strong.

    Ken.

     

    #27429 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi Charmie

    Are there any playcentres or leisure centres near where you live? Your son is nearly 2 years old right? That’s the best age to do stuff with him 😀

    If you have spare time during the week then maybe you can join/set up a book club or if you have a lot of artwork that you have created you can do a little exhibition in a gallery

    I love writing poems (as well as novels etc) and love to watch superhero movies with my lad who is 12 😀

    #27457 Report

    AmyLondon
    Participant

    Hi Charmie,

    I also know the feeling .

    I have two sons and divorced their Dad two years ago . The loneliness is crippling sometimes and also completely fluid, can come and go in a day!

    Sometimes I feel the loneliest when I’m with family or friends with their couples and families and I miss so much being part of a little unit.

    I have a great job and good friends but it doesn’t stop that feeling of making decisions by yourself and at the end of every night you go home alone .

    Keep taking , and try to make new friends as cliche as it sounds, even if at first it’s not enjoyable it just makes the bad times less and less.  Remember not to compare your life to others, I know plenty of married people that are unhappy or struggling with lots of different things and I think often people don’t realise how much they are letting you down if they cancel or change plans. Try letting them know.

    Also yoga, mindfulness apps and mediation sounds so hippyfied but honestly being in the moment and  trying not to make these feelings go away has been empowering for me- although I realise not everybody’s cup of tea! X

    I’m also happy to speak anytime.

    Amy

    #27458 Report

    Kendo
    Participant

    Hi, AmyLondon,

    I posted earlier in the thread about my loneliness. I have heard about mindfulness, but don’t know much about it. Can you recommend any mindfulness apps that may help?

    Thanks, Ken.

    #27468 Report

    AmyLondon
    Participant

    Hi  Ken,

    The ones I have used are Headspace and Calm.

    Let me know how you get on!

    Amy

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