Hi, I’ve just joined Gingerbread tonight so this is my first post. I separated from my son’s father many years ago so this post isn’t about him. I have been in a relationship with another man for the last 8 years, since my son was 5. He’s been like a stepfather to my son, although we never married. Last week he told me he didn’t love me anymore and wanted s break to be certain of how he felt. I still love him and he’s been such a support to me over the years as I’ve had all sorts of problems with my son’s father over money and not seeing his son. My ex is now out all the time while I feel like I’m stuck at home. Every other weekend my son goes to his dad so me and my ex always spent that time together, doing plenty of things. We had a very close friendship as well as lovers and to be honest I feel utterly bereft without him to talk to. He says he wants us to remain friends and to quote him “I’ve no idea what’s going on in my head at the moment” he says he wants time to see how he feels and what he wants. The logical part of me knows I must leave him alone, I know if I keep contracting him I’ll just push him further away. But the emotional part is utterly desperate to see him, talk to him. We did speak yesterday (he initiated the contact) but tonight I was dropping my mum home after a visit and as he lives just around the corner I very sadly did a drive by his house to see if his car was there. It wasn’t so now I can’t stop think about where he is. I know there’s no one else involved, he’s a thoroughly decent honest man, he just doesn’t feel the same way about me that he did which he can’t help. Despite living with my son and my dog I just feel so alone. My son has been fantastic, he’s seen how upset I am. Sorry for the rambling post, I guess I just wanted to know I’m not alone
You’re not all alone Caroline. Your son is there and so is your dog but one thing you should always remember is that even if you lose them, at least you had some good time with them. He might come back to you but if he doesn’t then it means your last one is still there and when he comes, he will show you twice as much love as your ex did and he will make you feel his company in every way he can. You’re a strong and very smart woman for figuring it all out that he needed the space without you fussing about his time and attention. Let him leave and if he is for you, he will come back to never leave. But first, you need to show him what he’s gonna miss, I’m not talking sex or you both having anything intimate, show him that you can be happy without him even if you choose to be happy with me.