Loneliness

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  Ramblinjon 1 week, 6 days ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)
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  • #24424 Report

    Lar
    Participant

    My husband left me four months ago with our 7 month old baby! He has blamed it all on me at first but is now just saying we aren’t a good couple! But we have been together for 7 years why now? I just can’t cope with the loneliness of being on my own all night every night! I can’t go anywhere and do what I normally would have done after a break up! I’m just feeling so lonely and terrible! What do you do to kill the loneliness of being a single mum with baby? Xx

    #24439 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Sorry you are feeling low. For me, it was books, music, films and Skyping my sister.

    And I put my son in a sling and went to the village pub. No one minded,  And to any local events, I just bundled him up and went to quiz nights, a jazz festival, Xmas fairs and bonfire nights. I hated staying in if there was somewhere I could go. I took him to proms night at the local stately home.

    Check out your local paper. Children adapt and as long as they are warm and fed, they soon get used to it.  🙂

    #24441 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    I second local community events. My lo is now in reception so a little older but you name we’ve gone to it!

    it may also be worth trying to make friends at baby groups – someone there will be in a similar position be theylone parent or partner working away etc. One of my good friends husband works shifts so is around quite a lot more than others would be.

    Not sure if it’s good but I also go to bed early as I prefer to sleep when can – read that as my lo still sleeps awfully. And actually this means that I do feel better and less obviously lonely and I I choose to stay up if there’s something I want to do or see on tv etc.

    #24446 Report

    Kelly 2879
    Participant

    Hello, I have an 18 month old. My ex moved out last September. I have to go out everyday or I would go insane. I have a few visitors but usually in clusters of them all coming the same week then nada for ages. I once went 12 days without seeing anyone I knew. I find evenings and weekends hard. Then if its Bank Holiday its worse. I tend to go out to shops on a morning. Then just play in afternoon and I look at my tablet. But I find reading, watching TV or films impossible. I find it frustrating I can’t do much housework either as little man wants my attention constantly. Before partner and  baby, I loved living on my own, never bored or lonely, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, like decorating, hobbies, have a nap, but no chance now. I just end up looking at my tablet or phoning my nan or sister. Try to keep busy too if you can. It’s a difficult one. Take care x

    #24452 Report

    lou1284
    Participant

    Hi, new to the site. mum of a 3 year old and 1 year old. I’m definitely following this one. Day times aren’t a problem with us as we find plenty to do in our area. Its the night times when my kids are in bed when the loneliness creeps in. No real friends I can have a chat with

    #24454 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    It’s funny – lots of lone parents say they hate weekends and bank holidays – as it’s almost a slap in the face with all the families around.

    I perhaps have looked at this differently – as I don’t see perfect families lol – I usually see lots of tolerating, sniping, irritated families as a rule, with some lovey dovey ones here and there. So I have never found the whole families around on weekends a challenge – so for me personally I LOVE weekends – it is my time with my child – OUR time and I usually probably overfill the time. But if I could I would have so much more of it!

    I know that it doesn’t banish the loneliness…. but have you tried reading. I have found that it really helps me and is better than tv… when organised I have often done all the housework in the evening if I am not tired. It feels like I have got one over life IYKWIM as I am ahead of the housework curve, so then have more time for picnics and fun stuff!

    #24468 Report

    Spritz
    Participant

    Hi there all,

    I to am in the same position. However me and the ex are cohabiting. He is distant and does not have a lot of time for me or our unborn child.

    I keep busy, and make plans. Listening to.music having a boogie (or google as autotype has put) see my folks and catch up with friends.

    At the end.of the day there are people who can help or meet up with. Sites like this are hugely beneficial as its nice to meet people in similar situations and make some great friends out of it.

    Good luck and we are here to chat with if need be x

    #24476 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    For me the type of loneliness has changed as my little one grew older, since I became a single dad when my boy was a toddler (he is now 13) I’ve had a few relatively long relationships but partly due to the nature of those relationships I’ve spent more time alone than with someone.

    The worst times for me were when J was really young, I’d take him away to holiday camps, the days were ok as I’d fill them up but the evenings were the pits, I’d take him to the clubhouse for a while watching all the happy families then take back early to the caravan/lodge put him to bed and then sit there totally alone, it was awful. I’d read or watch TV but that only helped a bit so I looked forward to the oblivion of sleep to pass the hours until the next morning.

    Now that he is older J goes to his mums most weekends and again the days arnt too bad but the evenings are hard, not long ago I figured I’d work at least one of evenings so started as a taxi driver, it seems that has made it even worse, taking happy couples out for meals or drinks or shows has ramped up the loneliness only for me to get home to an empty house in the early hours, I can honestly say I’m not enjoying life at the moment but I also know that things rarely stay the same so am looking forward to seeing what’s around the next corner, while I’m lonely I am convinced that it is only temporary.

    Mark

    #24515 Report

    donna77
    Participant

    I’m a new member and felt compelled to reach out.

    I feel so alone. I know this is a process that I need to work through.

    My kids had an event today. I was there on my own much as I have been for most of their life. Lost in a room full of others family and friends.

    I couldn’t help but cry silent tears easy to do in a room full of strangers. Every one assumes the tears are for the kids, proud tears. I wish they were…..they were for the loss I feel for them for not having a father and for myself for not being brave enough to let people know how I feel.

    I know time is a healer but I’ve been single for the last 3 years and have worked hard to support my children which is a double edged sword. Happiness that I have worked hard but then guilt for not being the stay at home mum I really want to be.

    #24516 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi i know how you feel. It is lonely and some nights are ok some it seems worse. I either have a wash load on, do some polishing or often go to bed early and chill.

    Donna77

    Its perfectly understandable how you feel. I used to hide my tears or make out it wasnt as bad as it seemed but then i broke down a lot in front of everyone and they realise i find it tough and listen and help me out. Major boost and release.

    You are on here and letting the community know how you feel. Doesnt matter who you tell we all here to listen and chat anytime

    My son is 1 and a half, his Dad hasent ever wanted to know and wont. He lives local and drives past me and my son or walks past sometimes and doesn’t bat an eyelid…devoid of responsibility. I cried i felt sad at this as my Dad did same has never been involved with me but has a son who he is involved with. My sons Dad has other kids and his gfs kids see him as a Father. Im waiting for maintenance but be a long wait.

    I worry my son is missing out on a male figure but it wasnt my fault or my sons so i keep that in mind. He will have questions and i will approach the issue when its time.

     

    #24820 Report

    jean Jeanie
    Participant

    I’ve been spilt up for three months, and my ex has the boys three nights a week, I work nights then but I feel heartbroken because he’s made me not see my kids everyday . I try and get on with it, but everything still raw, he looks like he’s getting on with life and has just carried on as normal, where as I feel like I’m wading through treacle all the time🥺

    #24836 Report

    TiN28K89
    Participant

    Hi I’m new to this site- but I can relate to this as I have just come out of my relationship and the loneliness is a big thing for me! Once my little boy (15months)has gone to be at 7pm I find myself locking the doors and closing all the blinds and hiding away in my bedroom! As the people who I would like to spend time with have other commitments such as their own families or work commitments etc! I find it so difficult especially as my ex fiancé has already moved on and is now seeing someone else (been separated about 2months now) I just feel so isolated and alone! I also suffer from fibromyalgia as well as anxiety and depression so going out during the day is also a struggle!

    #24852 Report

    yougotafriend
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I’m new to this site, and still learning to navigate it. I have been a single mum for 8 years in the early days I felt desperately lonely, but I know know I was grieving for the family unit that was never going to be together again, but l soon realised that life was so much better without my ex partner. Although I was lonely life was less stressful in lots of ways. My son is now 10 and I still feel lonely my problem is I don’t have a great network of friend as most of the other single Mum are younger so I don’t have a lot in commen with them. I parent are ill at the moment, my mother has dementia and my father is terminal with cancer, I don’t really have anyone to talk to so this now brings a whole new level of loneliness but I’m trying to keep positive. The only constant in life is change.

    #24854 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    AMiller.

    I know what your going through, I lost my mum a few years ago to cancer (dad died when I was 18, he didn’t drink or smoke, wasn’t overweight but dropped dead of a heart attack) , we, as in my brothers and I looked after her at home until the end as hers was terminal, unfortunately without much help from the NHS, she was 64. I’m also do a fair amount working with older folk so understand the strains your going through.

    While life does constantly change its  better to go through it with someone by your side, life isn’t meant for us to be lonely. I firmly believe that out there is someone who could ride those changes with me and help to smooth them out….I’ve just yet to meet her. It’s this thought that keeps me going.

    Mark

    #24855 Report

    yougotafriend
    Participant

    Hi Mark

    Life is certainly more challenging at the moment. I have also worked with the elderly and the learning disabled for many years. Such a rewarding job and teaches you so much about the human spirit. Your most definitely right, on the whole, human beings are not solitary. We all need someone to grow with, learn from, laugh and cry with. To be each other’s champion. I also believe the right person is out there for each of us, including me lol the one thing that being a single parent has given me is time to really get to know me. I am now at a poin in my life where I am truly happy with the person I am.

    Thank you Mark

    Agnes

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