Lone parents who fled during pregnancy. I need your advice

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    mumtum
    Participant

    Hey

    I fled my ex when I was pregnant for the sake of my sanity, safety and that of my unborn child. He hoovered, discarded over and over until my self esteem was so low I had zero confidence and was left so confused and hurt. I didn’t trust anymore. The thought of having to hand baby over to him, stinking of booze and cigarettes he chain smoked, surrounded by his drugged up, drunk crazy friends made me listen to my therapist, doctor and even some of his friends and leave. I gave up everything, my friends, job I loved, house I loved and within a week I was gone.

    He tried to find me for a few months then gave up. I’d moved country returning to my home land as he’d repeatedly told me to do during his numerous tirades.

    I’m terrified of when bub grows up and starts asking questions, wants to find him, the effect being fatherless will have on her life, sense of self and self esteem.

    Anyone gone through this and have any wisdom to share.  Its playing on my mind so much. Will she hate me for taking her from her father? Will she struggle with relationships in the future? I’m trying so hard to find positive decent male role models but… my family aren’t fantastic. Hence why I attract narcs.

    I’m struggling to make new friends in the new town I moved to.

    I’m scared for the future.

    #18843 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi Mumtum, please don’t worry too much. I left my ex when my son was very small. As he’s grown older, I’ve managed to keep them in touch but in a safe  controlled way. My son accepted this as the norm because it is all he has ever known.

    Children adapt. When your little one is older, she will ask questions and you must be honest, so she understands. In an age appropriate way of course but don’t make anything up.

    If she knows that you love and protect her, why would she blame you? Also bear in mind that your ex may mature and things change over time.  With luck he will grow up and contact will be possible. Maybe not this year but eventually. My son now goes to visit his dad most half-terms. It takes time & a lot of patience but stay calm and consistent. Things will get better.💐

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