Lockdown – help from ex?

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  • #47659 Report


    Hi all,

    Think I’m just on here to vent more than anyhing as I know legally, my ex doesn’t have to do anything but here goes: My situation is – my ex walked out when my child was 14 months old. He cheated and is still with the same girl – my child is now 8 years old. We never went down the legal route with our separation and just used the government website to help work out what maintenance he should pay each week (we didn’t own a property together or anything).

    I’ve been through lots of ups and downs with my ex over the years, who am I kidding??? It’s been lots of downs and downs! A couple of years back I had to sit down and construct an email for him as I was just so fed up. He would never help out when I needed help, and everything was done on his terms. Our child lives with me full time and now goes to his every other weekend and one night during the week (this wasn’t the case all the time, this started a year or so ago). He started off not having her at all (when he first walked out), then he’d take her out on a Sat afternoon and that was it. Then he’d start having her one night every other week etc.

    Any how – just been bimbling along with things, as you do. Lockdown #1 happened and I had our child for 6.5wks on my own, stuck in a tiny flat without a garden – it was very hard. He didn’t have her as he felt a bit unwell…. When he did start having her again, he agreed to have her overnight during the week and to drop her back at 6pm the following day so that I could work one day a week (I work at a school). He works full time from home, so does his girlfriend.

    So, lockdown 3 has just happened and he’s now saying he can’t have her for a day a week this time as his girlfriend found it “too difficult to concentrate” whilst our child was there that one day!! I’ve asked if perhaps she could work a day over the weekend, or make up time of an evening instead or go to another part of their big house, but no. I also pointed out that thousands of people are having to work full time from home AND homeschool their children 5 days a week!!! Because of his actions, my school is now understand because I cannot go in and help.

    Does anyone else think he’s being a bit unfair here or am I just in a bad mood….?

    #47661 Report


    Yep totally unfair.I have 4 kids and their dad’s never had them for a single night Ever.And it’s been many ,many years.But there again he’s a bit of a nut job so mbe I shld count my blessings.You’re not in a bad mood you obv do plenty & this lockdown biz is just too much.I’ve not been the nicest person around for some time either.It’s really difficult and exhausting actually.I’m not much use to you,but know there’s others who do understand what ur going thru!

    #47663 Report


    God he is being utterly selfish – and so is his girlfriend.  Your daughter is 8 years old not 2 ! Im sure she’s not that distracting ! Im wfh full-time  with a 3 year old and a 9 year old – home schooling and trying to keep the 3 year old entertained while trying to work ! He has a child and she is hes responsibility not just yours !! A child is not just for the good times when everything is easy – you have to continue through times like this too! I would really kay it on thick with him and tell him how much he’s letting his daughter down.  If he really refuses then make sure you ask for more child maintenance.

    #47667 Report


    Thanks guys, really appreciate your input.

    I did forget to mention, he gave me an extra £50 a week for first lockdown – which was great, but it did not make up for the money I was down from not working. He’s offered to give more money this time too, but not said how much and for how long. If I point out how he’s letting his daughter down, he will not see it that way – anything extra he does is for me, that’s how he sees it. He’s called it “babysitting” in the past. So not having her one day a week is letting me down, not our child. As he knows I am looking after her.  I am so very fed up with it all. I cannot believe how much of a princess his girlfriend is being. She knew he had a baby when she got with him (and a girlfriend too at the time!).

    I know I’m going to have to contruct another firm email to him, but dreading it as he gets SO defensive and things get really awkward and horrible. He seems to think he’s this amazing Dad and he does all he can for her. I do not understand how he cannot see how bad he’s being?

    Sorry, really stressed out and upset 🙁

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