15 April 2020 at 4:55 pm #39032
Hello. I’ve not posted before, but I need to vent. I am not coping well during lockdown. Me and my 6 year old live in a one bedroom flat with no garden/ access to outdoor space. We have a neighbour that we are both scared of so feel even more trapped as he hangs around outside all the time. I feel so down and fed up that I spent the day sitting on the sofa. I’ve tried talking to my family, but they just harp in about routine, which I have no motivation for. Before this I was working 5 days a week. I’ve been looking around for volunteering positions, but can’t do more than school hours.
We moved to escape domestic violence, previous to that my child was abused. I suffer from PTSD and anxiety. I just don’t see how the government are not thinking of people like me and my child.15 April 2020 at 8:25 pm #39043
So sorry to hear this – being without a garden and a young child must be so hard at the moment, especially with the added sunshine. However, (and you probably aren’t going to like this!)…but the feelings you are having come down to how you perceive things – and I’m not saying you don’t feel them without good reason, but for your mental health and for your childs sake, you need to work your very hardest on turning it around and trying to look at the positives. There will be lots….it’s just really hard for you to see them at the moment as the situation is getting on top of you, understandably. I can give you some for starters: 1. You are getting extended time to spend with your child….time you would never usually have and that is really precious. 2. You and your child are staying safe and staying alive and what is more important than that? 3. You have the chance and the time that you wouldn’t have had while working full time to really focus on the areas of your life that you are finding difficult 4. Your child is school aged and needs you to support them in their learning and you get to be part of their education and make a difference to their life and learning….and that’s just for starters. When your feeling like the situation is terrible and there is no way out, I admit it is REALLY hard to see any positive (let alone listen to someone telling you they can see positives that isn’t in your situation and doesn’t know you)….but think about what you have already overcome – leaving a situation of domestic abuse and violence is not easy and you did it…..supporting your child as a single parents…not easy but you did it…..there’s so much people can do even when they feel hopeless…..you’ve just got to change your perception of how things are and motivate yourself. Make little goals each day that you can achieve and feel good about……..go on pintrest and pick out a few activities that you think your child would like to do with you and do them…..even something simple. Also, don’t resist a little bit of routine – rigid routine isn’t for everyone but a little bit can make the days go much quicker. It’s clear that you love you child and have been dedicated to giving them the best situation, getting out of a previously bad one….so make this the best time he/she can have…make that your priority in life at the moment and remember, this won’t last forever….there will be an end to it eventually so try not to lose sight of that.
I hope I havn’t become similar to your family as I know how annoying it can be to hear the same thing…..which isn’t what you want to hear….but you’ve clearly overcome worse situations than this so I think you have it in you to resist the urge to lie on the sofa all day and do the best you can with a bad situation.12 May 2020 at 10:16 pm #39958
I put a search in of lone parent lockdown hell and your post came up. So I guess I know how you feel. I too have left an abusive relationship and have two under fives to look after. It’s true the government are barely mentioning people in our situation and there seems to be little consideration for our mental health. We can’t meet another adult as to do that and satisfy the 2 people maximum we’d have to leave our children unattended?! . This whole experience has been hellish for me feeling very alone and it feels sometimes that my relationship with my sons is getting worse every day . I agree with everything that the poster above says but I think it’s dangerous for those who’ve suffered abuse to say . “Oh it’s us and our outlook that’s wrong not the situation” as is this not what we convinced ourselves during the abuse anyway ? This situation is awful . None of that is your fault and as long as you survive this you are strong . The practical advice above is sound: follow it if you can . Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself and children safe mentally. Call the crisis team for hemp if ever you feel dangerously low they may be able to help you with childcare etc.12 May 2020 at 10:46 pm #39959
Without trying to sound patronising all I could really say to you in this situation is to just take it day by day. Each morning you wake up you are a day closer to the lockdown coming to an end and a day closer to returning to some kind of normality. You just have to keep reminding yourself that this is only temporary and that if you and your child can make it through the hell you have both survived in the past then you can make it through this lockdown. Youve both been through such difficulty in your lives and its tragic. But because of what your child has been through already you’ve got to be that bit stronger for them even though I understand it must be so hard for you and you are struggling with your own inner demons just now. I am a single parent to a 2 and 4 year old and I totally sympathize with how hard it can be not getting that break that we sometimes so desperately need from our kids at times and the feeling of just needing a breather because its all getting a bit much. But youve got to keep fighting not to let it overwhelm you. I definately think its worth getting in touch with your gp as the lack of motivation and negative thought path could definately be symptoms of depression. Your gps are still there for you if you need them and your mental health is still important and shouldnt be neglected. There are also covid 19 online support groups where you can chat about your feelings and struggles and get advice. Perhaps one of those could be helpful to you. Sorry I cant be of more help amd I hope you and your child stay safe13 May 2020 at 4:26 am #39961
Is the neighbor you’re scared of a danger? It seems a very difficult way to live, pandemic or not, feeling unsafe even just on your doorstep.
Have you talked to a GP about struggling to get motivated? They may be able to help. Or any non profits in your area that focus on domestic violence/women. The CAB may be able to point you in the right direction.
Try not to beat yourself up about struggling, that just makes it harder to pick yourself up. Maybe write a list of things you can do with your kid, or set yourself one task to do a day and take it from there.
I had a bad day today, and did a lot of sofa sitting, take care of yourselves x