Living with ex and depressed

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  • #34165 Report

    Hi,

    Hope everyone is OK. I’m looking for advice or anyone who has experienced this:

    Livng with my ex (we are unmarried), 2 children ages 3 & 5. He is named on the birth certificate. We have a mortgage  on our home which we are both named on & the deeds. I recently got made redundant too. He is refusing to leave and allow us to to all move on. It’s making me very depressed especially as he was the one that didn’t want the relationship and detached from me over two years by sleeping on the sofa and cutting out all affection. He has tried  to brand me with mental health problems to my family and his. It’s utterly ridiculous and there is no evidence of that. Trouble is the longer this painful situation goes on I am likely to get depressed! I’m scared to go to the doctor because of what he’s saying. I think he’s trying anything to stay in the house (which I know legally he has the right to), and to hold on to the kids. I’m in hell and don’t know what to do. I hide in my bedroom every night as I’m too uncomfortable being around him and pretending nothings happened.  I just want to get on with raising the girls in a happy environment. Plus we can then move towards sorting out a proper contact arrangement for the girls.

    #34167 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hiya,

    Im so sorry to hear of your situation. It must be very tough for you all.  I lived with my ex for 2 years while we sorted the house etc so i have an idea of how difficult it can be. What got us both through was talking and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel as long as we didnt enter some kind of personal war. Unfortunately it seems your partner has already fired the first shots by suggesting you have mental health problems.  I dont know but is there anyway you guys could sit down and discuss the options open to you both? Maybe you already have? Does he have somewhere to live if he left the family home? He may be thinking that the sofa is better than the alternatives right now? I sometimes look back and wonder how we got through it all . Im sure one day you will do the same. Just dont fall for personal attacks. Im sure those that know you also know the truth.

    #34192 Report

    Hi mstime,

     

    Thank you very much for your caring

    encouraging reply.

    Whenever we talk it does seem to come back the relationship and we don’t seem to get anywhere. He just says when he’s got a a plan he will let me know. He’s been sleeping on the sofa for the last two years

    🙁  that was a big issue for me. He checked out a while ago. Refused to go to counselling which is really frustrating as I think our issues could have been addressed and maybe we could have salvaged our family.

    Yes, I take comfort in the fact that those that know me know I’m perfectly sane!

    #34197 Report

    Thereislight
    Participant

    I could have written this 2 years ago!

     

    First go to a family lawyer, you can get a 30 minute consultation for free normally (write questions as a list before you go!) also check entitled2 website to see what benefits are available to you. Remember he will also be paying you maintenance with or without a job so if you know what he earns there is a rough calculator online. Ask around about jobs, if people know you are looking then they will look out for you and sit him down and explain that the situation can’t continue. Would he move out if you could get a lodger in? Is there a teacher training school nearby as often people need somewhere to stay for the year.
    Just to say, you will get there and it’s a bloody slog but it seems that you have your children at the heart of this and they do get you through (as you’ve no choice to be blunt!) but when you get through you’ll look back and wonder how you ever did it. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you every bit of happiness

    #34204 Report

    EmmaJ84
    Participant

    I’ve just read your post, and whilst I don’t have any great advice, I would suggest that its actually your ex that is suffering from depression that he’s in denial about. Quite often depressed people will deny the problem is with them and try and deflect and say it’s you. If you want to talk more please feel free to message me x

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