Living in a war zone
29 July 2019 at 8:21 am #28466
Hi. I’ve just joined because I know I’m not in a great place mentally and I am conscious my behaviour is not positive on my children. I’m a mum to 2 teenage boys who I love dearly. My husband and I live in the same house but live separate lives. Last year I separated the finances and this year we are doing separate holidays. Mainly because the last 3 years holidays he has ignored me for the 2 weeks we’ve been away. His parents came along and I could sit with everyone for dinner and he would clearly ignore me. The finances and holidays being split are all my choice as I don’t want any more miserable holidays. He has spent years emotionally bullying me as he wanted me to leave so he had the house and children. He loves the boys but I’m surplus to requirements. He’s told me he only married me to get equal access to the boys. Gosh that shocked me. I’m financially stable, we both are and work. Recently it’s become more obvious our marriage is over although communication from my husband is non existent. I walk in a room, he walks out. My biggest concern is that his family have always been part of the boys lives and mine were never allowed into our house. Now I’ve split holidays, the boys are going with him and his parents. He’s made me feel like a useless mum for years with his nasty comments and I guess I’m fighting back and I’m angry at him. My 15 year old feels he’s got to protect his dad because I am nasty about him after years of emotional abuse. I don’t like the horrible person I’ve become recently , filled with hate for him and I need to stop saying things or I’ll alienate my son. My husband wants me to leave and is alienating me with his silence to force me out and doesn’t see I’m not going to walk out on my boys. He’s deluded! I’m not sure what to do anymore and I know I’m drowning my sorrows in wine every night because I’m so unhappy. I need a short sharp shock to get “me “back and to stop being this hate filled person I’ve become. Any suggestions appreciated30 July 2019 at 12:28 pm #28513
Hi Gymnast, I really feel for you. Having gone through an abusive relationship myself, I know how it can affect your feelings of worth and self confidence. I would advise you to phone a domestic abuse charity to talk through your situation and get support. Also visit your GP to see if you can access some counselling, too. You do not have to feel alone or put up with this bullying any more. You just need the strength to get this sorted for your children’s and your own sake. You say the finances are sorted but you need to separate your living arrangements, too…30 July 2019 at 12:29 pm #28514
I mean to add, best of luck. You will get through this, with the right support.30 July 2019 at 12:39 pm #28516
I can see that you’re in a horrible situation but you can ‘fix’ it.
Try giving these folk a ring:
The 24hr freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) is available on 0808 2000 247 hours a day, 7 days a week. The helpline is answered by fully trained female support workers and volunteers, who will answer your call in confidence. All calls to the domestic violence helpline are free from mobiles and landlines. We can support survivors of domestic abuse, friends and families, and professionals who are in contact with domestic violence survivors.
All the best
Mark1 August 2019 at 3:40 pm #28611
Hi Gymnast. Do you have anyone you can rant to? In my opinion these feelings of hate stem from being ignored over time. It’s not who we are but the frustration of not being listened to or taking others thoughts and feelings into account mounts up over time and eventually spills over.