Living alone with a baby or living with parents?

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  • #43246 Report


    Hi all,

    I need some advice.

    I split with my ex at 35/36 weeks pregnant and we were looking for places to live together with the baby. Well, I’ve ended up moving back in with my parents due to the split because of my mental health. I have anxiety anyway but the split has made me so sad and scared and hurt because I feel abandoned.

    My baby is now due in 2 weeks. So, I know I will be at my parent’s when he arrives, but I don’t know whether to just accept staying at my parent’s for a long time or try and find a place for me and the baby alone.

    My mum wants me to stay for a couple of years until I can afford to buy my own house. It’ll save me money, I’ll have my mum’s support emotionally and with baby and during my uni course, and it means I don’t have to worry about moving around.

    But, I don’t get on with my dad who still lives there. He’s an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. I have had incidents of him attacking me, prior to finding out I was pregnant. Whilst my mum is so supportive and I know she would treat my son so well. I don’t know how my dad will be after baby arrives, but I don’t want him hugely involved and my mum just thinks he won’t be bothered by him whatsoever. It’s not the nicest environment for a child though with an alcoholic in the house staggering around nearly every night and the whole weekend.

    I have all the things to furnish a place if I can find a place in my budget. But, if I move out alone, I’m scared for my mental health. I haven’t coped well alone in the past and have ended up moving back to my parent’s, never mind with a baby as well. It wouldn’t be the same as living someone who would support you, like living with my mum. I don’t have any friends around here, only my mum. I have some friends but they are scattered around the midlands due to university, so it’s all via message and the very rare visit to them.

    My ex ‘says’ he will be round all the time to visit and help with the baby, but one of the strains on the relationship we had was his unreliability and false promises. So, I can’t really rely on thinking he will be round regularly.

    I would be looking at staying near my mum if I could find a suitable house, but the market is currently dry due to covid! So, I know I don’t have to decide right now, but I’d like to know what you would do?

    I am on the council housing list and they put me as a low priority. I’m now having it reassessed because of having to move back to my parent’s house.

    #44115 Report


    Based on personal experience I would agree not to rely on your ex keeping his word.

    As to housing, as much as a comfort and support your mum being there would be I would, like you, be concerned about your dad. A baby in the house puts such a strain on everyone, with baby feeding all hours, and would worry this makes the atmosphere worse. I would hope your mum could give you the same emotional and physical support if you lived alone.

    Just noticed the date of your post so I hope all went well whatever your decision hun.

    #44117 Report


    I stayed with family until my child was 2 months old then went home. It was weird but determined not to be scared. I don’t know how I did but my lo is 6 years old. Your mum can always come and stay to help you. The night feeds just wore me out but afterwards when the baby is in routine it gets better. I wanted to stay longer but moving home I was isolated and had no one to talk to. I look back now and thankfully I coped and was able to return to work. It was harder going back to work and I was constantly tired. Good luck in what you decide to do but let your mum help you.

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