Light at the end of the tunnel

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  MarkHB 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #23241 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Afternoon Gingerbreaders!

    I see so many posts on here from people just starting their single parent journey, feeling lost, scared, confused and alone. I just wanted to post to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better and this is not your ‘forever’ situation.

    I’m seven months in – which I know is a relatively short amount of time – but in that time I feel like I’ve come so far.

    A quick rundown of my last 7 months for context:

    -Left abusive partner at 6 months – didn’t realise it was abusive and he was a narcissist. Spent the remainder of my pregnancy in a state of stress, being gaslighted, stonewalled and eventually I ended it by text and he didn’t even acknowledge it (we had lived together for years, this wasn’t a short romance).

    -I moved in to my parent’s spare room

    -Baby was born by EMCS in 4 minutes and we spent 7 days in hospital

    -At 7 weeks old I found out my ex was now in a relationship with his assistant, 12 years his junior. When I confronted him about it I got no explanation or apology

    – I then retrieved all of my belongings and furniture from the flat we had shared – and realised she had been sleeping in my bed. My underwear was still in the drawer, my toothbrush still in the bathroom

    -His family and sister (a close friend of mine) all turned their back on me

    – I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety and told to cut contact with ex

    – Just before Christmas I had a car accident and totalled my car (baby was in the car but absolutely fine)

    – In Feb I found out my role was being made redundant. I had already planned my RTW and sorted professional childcare and had started to look for flats, so it all went on hold.

    I’ve left out much of the sordid detail, as I have no interest in re-hashing it. But, those are the main points!

    And now? I sit here, writing this in the living room of my lovely flat that I moved in to last week with my son, who is currently napping in his beautiful room. I start back to work in a couple of weeks having secured a brilliant new job (a promotion, even!). I have lost all the weight I put on not only during pregnancy, but throughout our entire relationship.

    None of this has been easy. In fact is has been the single most challenging thing I have ever been through. I have seen various doctors and therapists. I have had days where my family have had to scrape me off the floor so that I can make my son his milk feed. I wanted to end it all. I have never suffered from depression before. I’ve never just seen darkness where there should be my dreams and my future.

    My pregnancy was stolen from my because someone else couldn’t grow up and be honest. The first few months of motherhood are a blur because I was treated so abhorrently by someone I thought loved me. I will never get that time back.

    But, I decided, when I stood in the doctors waiting room in floods of tears pleading with someone to help me, that I am not his victim. I will not let someone else dictate how I live my life. My son deserves more. I deserve more.

    It has taken hard work to get to where I am today. I consume any material on goal setting, ‘living your best life’, creating a future you are proud of and being intentional. It has changed me. I’ve had to look at the areas where I was responsible (not for what happened, but how I allowed it to get so bad). I’m an empath, I’m a people-pleaser and I have co-dependent tendencies. Those are not necessarily bad things, when not coupled with a narcissist addict.

    This work takes time. It takes sitting with your feelings, having your down days, calling on any help you can. It doesn’t take wallowing though. Or being the victim. Or letting life happen to you.

    Ask yourself, what do I want out of life? Where do I want to be in 10 years time? And then grab the day by the balls and take a baby-step towards it. each day it gets easier, I promise.

    You can do this. It won’t be easy. Life isn’t easy. Nothing worth having is. But you have to make a start, because no one else will do it for you. They can support you along the way, but its you that decides the destination.

    And remember:

    The Best revenge is a life well lived.

    xx

    #23251 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    So glad to hear you’ve cone so far 🙂

    #23288 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Very inspirational! I am 7 months on from separation STBX said there was no one else but it has all come out now.. I am not quite mentally where u are but just sitting outside mortgage advisors to sign papers for my new house with DD & contemplating things! Hope I can move on in my head soon, as you have I still try to understand what’s happened after 23 years together … Thanks for sharing some positive thoughts with us ☺️

    #23421 Report

    dad2019
    Participant

    Thanks for the post … good stories even at early stages replay help

    #23644 Report

    Drifter591
    Participant

    Sounds like you have been through hell, I’m so sorry to you. But so glad you are feeling happy.

    Im at the start of separation although I’ve been through 3 months of hell finding out my “perfect” fiancé cheated on me, a lot.

    Your post has really helped me have hope!

    Good luck to us all! X

    #23656 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    That is an amazing and inspirational story and well done for being so strong.

    It gives me hope that one day I will sit back and be happy again.

    Thank you for posting today.

    I wish you continued success and happiness in your new life.

    Mx

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