Life Feeling like a Rollar Coaster

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  • #19147 Report

    Vick_089
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m very new to this but based on how I’ve been feeling recently I’ve been advised to explore what others may have dealt with in their lives hence going to trial this site.

    I left home in 2008 at 18. At 19 I found out my partner was pregnant and when I was 20 I became a dad to a wonderful son. It changed my life having him and I always wanted to have my own little family as my family life growing up was not all that stable.

    In 2015 my partner left me on my sons 5th birthday. I didn’t see him for almost a year and in 2016 was given a contact court order where I see him every fortnight (which I don’t feel is enough). At 25 that whole court process really took a toll on me.

    I feel that everyone seems to be moving on and I’m stuck just exactly where I have been for the last 10 years. When my partner, son and myself were together things were a struggle but now I’m at it alone.  I work to survive, haven’t saved a single penny, just pay the rent and bills, scared to go out now (just go into work and back home), I cant even buy someone a drink without thinking how each penny will impact me. Haven’t been anywhere in almost 2 months. Went to my families for Xmas but couldn’t help feel so low and then when they squabble inside I get so irritated and angry and they argue over the smallest of things when there me who has my own worries and stresses.

    I always listened to people and tried to be supportive but when I’ve felt low its like people have moved on and don’t bothered asking about you, so I’ve come to a point where I don’t want to know anyone’s issues. Still in my 20’s, lack of friends, with a child who is alone as he has no siblings nor do I know anyone with kids and then I’m hardly there for my own child cause my ex has not been easy to deal with.

    People say I’ve been strong and shouldn’t give up but I’m tired to just trying to survive each day but I feel I’m just holding on for my son’s sake. I don’t want to sit and take to doctors or specialists as they wont help change anything around me. But I feel people just don’t get it and don’t like being patronised.

    I understand that I’m responsible for my own decisions but my reason for leaving home wasn’t for bad intentions and I got an amazing child in doing so.

    Does anyone else feel any of these things or am I over thinking and wasting time with these thoughts?

    #19148 Report

    MummaR
    Participant

    Hi vick

    reading your post is like hearing how I feel… instead it’s hard to even get a routine which affects the kids and puts all of the pressures on me…. I’ve had to get on and make the most of my life with struggling with work… kids … no support from anyone and in the end… everything got too much.   I’ve always been there for everyone else with their issues and not on family member evens remembers my sons birthday… it is a lonely place but new year new goals… make every day count!! Things can only get better… also there’s no harm in going to your DR  I did and it’s the bravest thing I’ve done!

    #19149 Report

    Vick_089
    Participant

    Hi MummaR,

    Thank you for taking the time out to read and respond. At least now I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this.

    My son knows I love him and I know he see’s the world in me so regardless if no family acknowledge your son as long as he knows you’re there and done your best, that’s the main thing.

    I’ve spent the last 2 New years alone so I just treat every day like a normal day and take what comes. Sometimes the unexpected setback and certain comments really set me off.

    As for going to doctors, I’m afraid to do so, as if I ever had to go back to court I don’t want them seeing anything like this on my records which could potentially effect me seeing my son. It’s funny but they will penalise you for feeling stressed and down but do they not realise it’s the whole process of trying to see your kid that initially puts the stress on .

    #19167 Report

    Slj
    Participant

    Hi

    i think your doing really well. Anything is possible. About 16 months ago I split from my partner i had a 3 year old and a 4 month old baby to take care of. In them 16 months I ended up with no house no car no job and living at my mum and dads at 32 years old with 2 kid( bad time) in them 16 months I now have a mortgage,a car and 3 jobs. My point is anything is possible just keep going also have you tryed looking into army reservist extra money  and make new friends

    #19184 Report

    Vick_089
    Participant

    Hi SLJ,

    Thank you for sharing that and its good to hear your now back on your feet and that’s a big achievement to getting your own place.

    My situation is slightly different as I would really love to get my own place and I know I can maintain my own place but its difficult to be able to save money. After all costs I have absolutely nothing left over.

    Thank you for you advice will have a look into it

    #19229 Report

    Nw26
    Participant

    Hi, I completely relate to you saying you feel like your stuck in the same place! I split up with my partner in January 3years ago and I feel like my daughter (5 years old) is doing amazing and my career is going really well but I’m feeling as though it’s just going to be me and my daughter forever and no one close to me understands how isolating it is, I feel selfish for feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have someone I can share my life with and also guilty that she doesn’t have any siblings yet and worried she won’t ever have any siblings.

    #19233 Report

    Vick_089
    Participant

    Hi Nw26,

    Thank you for taking the time to read and thanks for sharing your situation. I myself split from my partner 3 years ago and  feel I didn’t get any closure because she left and we never talked about anything we felt or were going through and she then started fooling around after she left not letting me see my son in the process.

    I do think to myself maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself however in the last few days I have a lot of response on here and another site and its been really overwhelming to see how many people have felt the same, so we’re not feeling sorry for ourselves its just the situations we’ve been in don’t help at times.

    Have you not been able to find anyone even at work that you can maybe go out with sometime. I did find someone however that’s another complicated story

    #19239 Report

    Mozza2019
    Participant

    Hi everyone.  Just wanted to say, I am a Dad of 2.  My wife left after lying and cheating, basically putting me through hell for 2 years.  I too lost my job, had to sell the family home, go through divorce and only got to see my children 50% of the time.  I feel for anyone who feels isolated or alone.  I still have a cry every now and then for the loss of my family which was 15 months ago now.  Do remember, it is a grieving process, you have lost and usually in these circumstnaces an awfull lot, so you need to give yourself a break too.

     

    #19342 Report

    Nw26
    Participant

    I think the worst is when you receive no closure or explanation or apology its really damaging to your own self esteem and your own thoughts. I watched my ex partner be alone for about 2 weeks before he met someone else and then they have been together for 2 years and I wonder why hasn’t he had to feel the isolation I feel. He’s never had our daughter over night or for a whole day in her life. I get so frustrated.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

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