Life boring and i dont know what to do
15 April 2020 at 2:26 pm #39021
Hi all sorry for the long post. Although im not divorced or single i hope that you will read my post as i couldnt find anywhere else to post it. And i will be gratefull for you replies.
I been married 12 years with 3 children aged (14. 12 and 9).
I dont work as due to my disability. My wife is supposed to be my carer but all she does is nag me to do this and that and then gets moody with me if i dont do it. I been feeling this way for about 2 yrs now i thought things might change but no its the same old boring life everyday.
I do most of the running around with the kids as she says she doesnt like driving but if one of her danily wants to go somewhere she will drive them no matter where it or how far it is. When i bring this up she goes in a huff and then whem she calmed down everything goes back to the same old nothing changes.
Sex life is minimal we only do it once every few months. She only likes one position. I have tried to initiate some more romance but she not bothered she tells me she doesnt want to try other things. She doesnt do oral and wont let me lick her either. So i dont seem the point in having any if its the same old boring routine.
I feel as tho if it wasnt for the kids i wouldny been here i know i should be happy but i dont want to upset them. And i know i probably wouldbe better off alone. But icant seem to find a way out.
I dont have many friends due to fanily life and im not close to my family as they dont get on with my wife. I only see them at special events. She is reall cloae to her family and sees them at least twice every week.
Which makes it hard for me to chat and talk about my problems.
Thanks for reading15 April 2020 at 2:47 pm #39027
I was in a similar (ish) situation for years….very friendly but sexless relationship with 2 kids who we basically stayed together for. Neither of us were happy with how things were but because we didn’t hate each other and had the kids to think about we stuck together for many more years than we probably should have done. I was terrified of the impact splitting would have on my kids as well as the thought of having to spend time without them. When we finally did it (about a year and a half ago) it was the best thing we could have done – everyone is much happier now, we remained very friendly so the kids have been absolutely fine and have tons of time with both of us. Being friendly throughout the split has been the best thing for the kids by far and we now both have new partners and even have (before all the crazy coronovirus stuff!) days out for birthdays with everyone altogether!
One thing I would say though, is that we tried our very best to sort the situation out first – went to Relate and various other relationship support a number of times, read books on rekindling desire etc etc. I think you’ve got to start with an honest conversation about how you feel (non judgy/blamey) and tell your partner what you would like to change in the relationship and ask her what she would like to change (while trying not to get cross if she says something you don’t like) – without honesty, nothing will change and if you know you have tried everything you can and it still hasn’t worked at least you can leave knowing that is the final option and make sure you do it with the kids mental health and happiness in mind. I’m lucky that it all worked out fairly smoothly for me after spending years and years agonising over it and I’m sure this isn’t always the case but certainly living in a situation that makes you unhappy isn’t a good way to spend your life either and you’ve got to do something proactive to try and rectify it.15 April 2020 at 3:27 pm #39030
I dont know what to do. I have told her many times before about how i feel nothing has changed.
I have thought about leaving even tho i dont want to upset the kids. But i wouldnt even know how to tell her