Lies, abuse and blackmail

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  • #50777 Report

    Topcat87
    Participant

    So here it goes, I found out january my childrens father had met someone which I was totally fine with as long as it was done properly around children, told me it was just the beginning so meetings were a long way off.

    Jumping to two weeks later I find out my children had already been introduced to new partner and told to lie to me if I mentioned it. I obviously questioned this with my ex and explained why I felt upset asking children to lie is not acceptable, I was upset myself and my terminally ill father had been put at risk by him having multiple people around my children my ex was angry I had questioned him alot of abuse down the phone, text messages and name calling not just from him but from his sister and mam too.

    He sees his children twice a week with the new girlfriend as I feel I dont get a say in what he does and if I put my opinion across it will turn to emotional abuse.

    Ive recently had a harrasment warning letter sent to him but he still contacts me with the opening this is not harrasment.

    Last night I received a message from my daughter asking if her and her siblings could go on holiday with her dad and his new girlfriend and her child, ive said no its in school term and they have missed enough school but its also to soon after only been with this girl 3 months, ive never met her and trust has already been broken.

    My daughter begged and begged to let her go so I said only if your dad gets consent from the school and provides what you need, but the baby will not be going not when he will be drinking for his birthday, I dont agree with drinking around children especially not a baby who needs constant care. Now there dad has said to them if the baby doesn’t go then they can’t go he is basically using the baby to blackmail me, this is the baby he wanted me to abort and then walked out on his family when I was 6 months pregnant.

    Im at my wits end, I feel I dont have any control over my own children and if I do voice my opinion then I get abuse for doing so

    Any advice please.

     

    #50782 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    how old are you children?

    #50790 Report

    Topcat87
    Participant

    Hello my children are 13,12,9 and little one has just turned 1

    #50792 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I think he won’t be able to cope with lot of kids abroad. Its understandable you don’t want 1 year old child going. Sure my ex won’t allow the same and I would accept that and be happy to take older kids.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by steve3334.
    #50794 Report

    Topcat87
    Participant

    Its not abroad they are going its a log cabin, so open fires etc, not very baby friendly, but my biggest concern is the alcohol as its his 30th birthday and he is not a responsible drinker, not to mention he has only been with his new partner 3 months feels abit rushed to be introducing children never mind holidays.

    He lied about introducing children in first place my children had met her before I even knew he was in a relationship, he gave her my daughters contract phone that I was paying for. Alot of trust has been broken and it takes time for that to be regained.

    Thats without the abuse ive put up with when he cant get his own way, at the minute I feel I dont get a say what is right for my children, its all about what he wants not whats best for the children.

    #51177 Report

    Metalmonk70
    Participant

    I have had a similar situation with the mother of my daughter…..it’s so freakin hard to know the best thing to do, but I think you know what the right thing to do is……when my daughter was just over a year old, “babymomma” went for a hair appointment at 11am one Saturday morning, she came home at 3am Sunday morning, so wasted that she couldn’t make it up the 4 steps to the back door…my little baby daughter had been crying for her mother for 12 hours…..long story short, I kicked her mother out our house on the spot, and my daughter says the mom still smokes weed around her every day (inside her house)….you might be thankful to know, that some of us men take fatherhood seriously & heartfully…..find a good parents rights advocate, and ask them what they think you can do to keep your children safe…oh, I gotta say one more thing, thank your kids for being your children every day…

    #51184 Report

    Topcat87
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your reply, it definitely is hard.

    I’ve also had times when children’s dad has been to drunk to pick them up its disgusting.

    Im glad he is not part of my life anymore but even so he is hell bent on making it hard for me, doesn’t understand it has a negative affect on the children.

     

    #51195 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    To Topcat87

    I did the freedom course which explains abuse by men and women. It seems your ex-partner is very definitely using control overuse, harassing you. Sometimes it is learned behaviour and he may not even realise what he is doing. Especially if he is under the influence of alcohol. You can apply for a ‘non – molestation order’ which the family court can grant to stop this harassment on the phone, letters in person. Maybe make a log of the times, words he said as proof of what he is doing to you. You don’t need to put up with this.

    Child subconsciously picks up these negative secret messages that you are not to be respected, or you should have any dignity. The children will then speak and treat you the same way. In the future when your children have adult relationships there is a chance they will treat their future partners the same way.

    Children should not be around your ex if he is intoxicated. It is dangerous, and the next day he may not even remember what was said or what he did.

    The court has the legal powers to protect you and your children. If you have a joint property. You could apply for an occupational order again from the family court. It is all free, and you can represent yourself. I did.

    The Court can give you possess of the property.

    Social services can help you with a multidisciplinary team to protect you and the children. Your ex can get referred to alcohol services for counselling. Childcare arrangement may need to be supervised for the safety of the children.

    Please consider this, you have to be strong to protect yourself and your children. Abuse is abuse that should not be stood for.

    If you need any help, you can contact me,

    Thanks Katherine,

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