Kids scared i’m going to disappear

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  • #29482 Report


    I split up with my husband 6 months ago, my kids aged 6 & 2.5 years live with me. It was a shock to us that he didn’t want to be with us anymore. He has been inconsistent in his contact with the kids, periods of demanding to see them often and then disappearing for a month with little phone contact. Really disruptive for my kids.

    Everything is magnified at night. My kids corridor crept for a while after their dad left,; I moved their mattresses into my room and then moved their beds in. They wanted to feel safe, I needed to be able to get more sleep. So many friends in marriages / relationships told me I was making a mistake, but I just couldn’t see any other way. And I was desperate (and still am) for more sleep.

    The kids are now sleeping in bunk beds in my daughters room, they both go to sleep there but at some point in the night they end up in my bed.

    My 6 year old usually goes to sleep before her brother as he fights sleep so strongly. Tonight, he passed out and my daughter panicked. She can’t sleep unless I’m in the room, thought I was going to leave her to go downstairs and ended up thinking she was going to be sick. So we sat in the bathroom for a while and then I set her up in my bedroom, after a while she went to sleep.

    I don’t know what I’m asking. I’m just worried about my kids and not sure how to deal with this. Anyone experienced anything like this?

    #29538 Report


    My ex was removed by the police 2 years ago in a dawn raid for child pornography. Something he has been charged with . My kids were 2 and 5 at the time.

    My boys are still convinced 2 years later that i too will disappear. Its v hard my eldest  frequently comes and gets in with me.

    I am rocking with it as i am sure he won’t want to sleep with mummy as a teenager. But at present i cannot start to explain why daddy is not allowed home.





    #29580 Report


    I’m so sorry to hear of your situation. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

    i think you’re right, it’s about giving our kids what they need to get through this now. It’s just it can be so draining but that’s our role as parent.

    All I want is for my kids to feel safe and loved at home by me. If that means sleeping in my bed, as well as wriggling and kicking me awake through the night, i’ll take it 🙂

    #29654 Report


    Pumpkin62 you haven’t done anything wrong by letting your children be close to you at night. My h left a year ago and our 13 year old son was devastated by his father’s betrayal. He developed insomnia, night terrors and OCD symptom checking doors and windows were locked at night. It was utterly exhausting and heartbreaking for me! At night I lay in his bed and talked through the day with him. We discussed openly what was not so great about the day, what was good and what we were looking forward to tomorrow. This really helped him to open up and speak about things. In the dark he was able to feel less self conscious and so began not to bottle his feelings up. There have been plenty of nights he ended up creeping into my room and sleeping beside me because he just didn’t feel safe. As he’s older we were referred to CAHMS by our GP but actually ended up using Kooth and online counselling service. Now I’m taking my h to court I’m glad I went to my GP as everything is used as evidence to decide what’s best for the children!His father decided to take a new job 100 miles away without telling anyone- so our kids feel completely rejected! Now we’ve finally moved into a rented home he’s sleeping soundly in his own room. If my kids need anything to feel safe I’ll do it for them! I hope your little ones sleep soundly soon xxx

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