Kids prefer weekends at dads because he’s fun!
2 July 2020 at 7:10 pm #41935
Ok so I have 5 kids (and am pregnant). Four to my first husband. Two to my second husband. I work 28-30 hours a week. When I’m home I have lots of housework/phone calls/bills/errands to catch up on including home schooling during this current pandemic.
My older 4 love going to their dads and keep begging me to go. The youngest is only 3 and keeps asking to go to ‘daddy’s house’.
I feel like I’m the boring parent – I don’t have time to play much or even relax and be fun because I’m too busy working to provide and shopping/cooking/cleaning etc Whereas my kids dads just do all the fun stuff like going places and playing!
Also the older kids dad takes no responsibility so when the kids went there for a week during lockdown he didn’t make them do schoolwork, they don’t do chores, don’t have a set bedtime and generally eat junk! The younger kids dad has him whilst I work but he doesn’t work, has no other kids or responsibilities so again can just focus on quality time and having fun!
I’m currently sat in my bedroom crying about the unfairness of it all – it’s been the second time this week I’ve been really upset over it.
I obviously have to work to provide and do all other chores and I know it’s in the kids best interests to make them do schoolwork, chores and have a good routine with healthy eating but I feel like my kids hate me because I’m no fun!
Please help!22 September 2020 at 9:27 am #44174
this is a constant thing between their mother and me. I do my best but it is never good enough. Of course, I do homework with the kids, I cook and I also remind them of their responsibilities doing things in the house. I work and have to organize my household as well. But in her view it is all junk food, unhealthy eating, computer games 24/7 and generally me being a bad parent. I listen to them, make compromises, which means the washing up can wait if necessary, a fish and chips from time to time is ok and if we have been out and about for hours, McDonald will do and there is no need for me to spend another hour in the kitchen when everyone is tired and hungry. We have breakfast in bed while watching YouTube videos on a Sunday, and we love playing Minecraft on the PC and plants v zombies on the phone but all in good measure. Eldest one loads and unloads the washing machine regularly and is responsible for the bathroom. Little one has to do his homework and clean his shoes. He helps in the kitchen sometimes. So maybe if you take a closer look at what really happens, you will find out it is not all fun and games. Maybe just a little more compromise.23 September 2020 at 6:49 pm #44205
I completely understand you Kim.
my boy is the same. He goes to his dads and it’s all McDonald’s and pizza, computer games and basically doing as he pleases. Not only does he have more time for this (whilst i struggle with the everyday monotony – he is a holiday only dad), he is a lot better off financially than me so can afford to do it and provide things that I just can’t.Midyou find an answer, I’d love it if you could share because it is really upsetting.23 September 2020 at 9:46 pm #44208
I’m new to this life of separation and experiencing similar. My wife is the main earner and has moved out with the new dipstick.
Two things I’m noticing … firstly, almost every ‘contact visit’ involves ordering new gifts for the kids. It’s getting beyond a joke and they must think Christmas Day has become three times weekly. Guilt no doubt.
Secondly, I’m noticing how my relationship, although getting stronger than ever, involves all the boring nasty stuff like ‘clean your teeth’, ‘do your reading’, ‘tidy your room’. The kids are very little so need constant reminders. Combine that with the loss and confusion they must be feeling, it leaves me looking like the nasty one.
im just trying to keep a level head, knowing when they find out the full truth of the situation I’m going to have two of the best friendships in my life. I don’t mean that vindictively and I won’t steer them that way. I just know how it’s likely to end up in the long run.23 September 2020 at 11:25 pm #44215