Kids mum has changed the rules on when i see my kids – what can i do?

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  • #48023 Report


    My ex-wife and I have been separated for 6 years now and actually divorced for just over 12 months.  Throughout the 6 years I have had my kids stay with me every other weekend and every Tuesday.  Last autumn we eventually sold our house and she has bought a new house which is closer to where both kids go to School.  Now I am not seeing my kids on Tuesdays because in her words ‘It is not worth it’.

    My son is 15 years old and in final year of high school and my daughter is 12 and has just started high school.

    My ex keeps telling me that the kids are old enough to make up their own mind on whether they come to me on a Tuesday or not.  I could go on about that this line comes out when it suits her agenda but i would find myself waffling on too much.

    Given the current Covid situation and the time it will take to court I am resigned to my son being 16 or older when this would come to a court session however my daughter is only 12 years old and I love seeing both my kids.  The gap of 12 days in between seeing them kills me.

    Our agreement was a verbal one and it was working fine now my ex has changed the rules and does not want to deal with it.  Our divorce was like this which is why it took 5 years to finally get sorted.

    Any advice on going thruogh the court to get a formal access agreement in place would be welcomed.

    Stay Safe


    #48024 Report




    because of your kids age, it would be difficult in court. I think they will not be interested in making an order for the 16 year old. in a sense your ex is right, about the kids being old enough to decide how much they want to see you. How far away do the kids live from you? and do you get any video calls?

    #48039 Report


    Hello Richard,

    seems your ex is not cooperative at all and doesn’t seem to look after your children’s long term interests. Given her arguments,  my path of action would be, to negotiate with the kids myself. Just try to meet your children after school or on a weekend day of your choice and tell them how much you miss them and how much you would like to see them more often. Given that your ex has given them card blanche you can see how much you  can get out of it. If you take it slow, you might get more than you had before. I am sure she will think different if things turn out that way but that will be a problem, if it turns up and can be solved then. Be creative. Make an effort. She doesn’t give a sh*t about rules so you need to be thinking outside the box. As long as you have joined custody there isn’t anything she can actually do as long as you don’t harass her. If you don’t have joined custody she will still have a hard time to do something against your efforts, given their age. I was always creative when my ex didn’t play by the book and I got very far. From where you started to both boys living here now, one full time 18 years old and one 11, living here most of the time. So be patient and throw yourself into it. But I make sure, they still have contact with their mother. Don’t go down her route.

    Good luck

    #48040 Report



    My situation is the opposite of yours; I’ve got to beg him to even visit the kids & ive twisted myself in knots for years to suit his ridiculous demands when he actually does appear. It’s refreshing to see that there are dad’s who really care about seeing their kids! Yours are lucky.Unless it’s unsafe etc  it’s so cruel to prevent the kids from seeing either what I’ve learned from my ex is bribing them with stuff only works short term (at their age they Are old enough to speak for themselves,you just need to make sure they speak in your favour). Good luck

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