Keeping it together for the kids
27 October 2018 at 4:00 pm #17255
Hi I’m new to the forum. I have recently separated from my husband. I am mum to two as zing kids 10 and 13 but am struggling to connect with them and provide stability during this time. I seem to be permanently in tears and unable to enjoy things with them that should be good fun and fulfilling – I feel like my misery is spoiling my relationship with them. My husband (who is not their dad) was emotionally abusive and the divorce is very acrimonious. The children are relieved the relationship is over and understandably can’t see why I’m not as over joyed as they are that he is no longer part of our lives. Any help/tips would be very much appreciated. Feeling pretty isolated at the moment and totally list as to what to do.27 October 2018 at 5:06 pm #17257
It’s hard but your kids are old enough for you to try to explain a little. At the moment they are probably a bit puzzled & lost too.
you could say that they mustn’t worry when you have a sad moment. That you’d put X years into trying to make a happy marriage, and it didn’t work so of course you’re sad & cross that all your hard work wasn’t a success.
but that doesn’t mean you want to go back and what you really need is a cuddle & a cup of coffee. And maybe a biscuit.
Then they will feel like they know what to do, how to help. The younger one gives you a cuddle while the older one makes a cuppa.
Can you start planning something nice, something to look forward too. Perhaps a particularly special Xmas that you can all focus on. ☕️27 October 2018 at 5:16 pm #17258
Thank you Kathymumofone.
I’m not sure if I’m trying to do too much to compensate at the moment – I keep arranging lots of activities and things then don’t have the energy and enthusiasm to enjoy them and then feel guilty that the kids aren’t getting the enjoyment they deserve.
I am trying to look forward and Xmas is a really good, positive thing to focus on. I’m hoping my emotions will have stabilised by then too.
You’re right too that they are old enough to understand a bit – they have been a fab support but again I feel guilty that my inability to deal with things is turning them into carers.
Thank you for replying – it makes a difference just knowing there are people out there who understand27 October 2018 at 6:08 pm #17259
I was wobbly for months after I left. You aren’t the only one.
My ds was 3.5 and when he caught me having a bit of a blue moment he would say “Mummy you’re tired, time for an early night” because that’s what I used to say to him if he was grumpy. 😁31 October 2018 at 10:27 am #17388
Outdoor activities can be quite tiring in themselves. How about some stay at home fun, just stuff that you can all three enjoy together? Board games work for all ages, some of the multiplayer console games can be quite daft too, all kids like to see their parents try to get to grips with those. The Wii console has lots of family games which involve jumping around the room. Look on ebay there are loads of cheap 2nd hand ones. Or the old fashioned things, making a cake, art stuff, messy painting. The kids will cheer you up and take your mind off things. If you’re blue all the time and its not getting any better then see your GP and ask about talking therapies or antidepressants. hope this helps.31 October 2018 at 12:52 pm #17400
Georgie, I bet your doing far better then you think you are. This is all a grieving process and your human. It’s hard to keep it together all the time. You sound like a great mum and your kids will know that. Have you got friends to talk to?