Just stuck

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  CF 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #26570 Report

    CF
    Participant

    Hi, I’m new on here…this isn’t the type of place my husband would register to but would research on so I’m still scared of what to write..

    I finally left an emotionally abusive relationship  (I didnt ever tell him that a charity had said on the minimum information I gave that it was a financial and controlling dv abuse) not that he would agree… we now live separately but he still comes to my home to visit our child…I hate it, he belittles me and critisces me in front of our child… who I feel heart broken over that our child is being manipulated and won over with toys… I’ve loved had fun educated and always been the main carer to our child..

    We’ve attended mediation and the none of the system works in his favour – I’ve spent money on solicitors that seem to get me nowhere and really need to progress things…and try and get away from him..

    #26572 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi CF

    You may have to speak to certain agencies.

    That could be the police.If you called 101 they will listen and advise  you on what to do if you are scared or feel vulnerable.

    Another agency would be the social services/cps.

    I have had both heavily involved and they were brilliant.

    He cannot belittle you in front of your child. I can tell you from very recent experience the social service do not tolerate that type of behaviour from any parent.

    I can appreciate that a lot of people would not like to involve them in their lives but believe you me they are fantastic and helped me and my kids tremendously.

    Please don’t suffer in silence  speak to someone

    P

     

    #26578 Report

    CF
    Participant

    Thank you P.

    He’s not physically violent, it’s just what/how he says things, there have been a couple, maybe a few occasions where he has been angry at me to shout at me but he’s from a ‘nice’ family and they would be livid with me if I were to involve any type of authority, but I do feel a need to protect my child from brain washing/damaging words… I’m not sure whether I am too forgiving, intimidated or am being over sensitive to how he reacts to things.

    Others have been enraged by his emails and behaviour towards, the local cab thought I was nit picking his behaviour but Solicitors were appalled..I’m not sure what action or who to turn to for this type of help and advise

    Thank you

    #26579 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi C

    I understand. However verbal abuse especially in front of a young child towards one of its parent is often more damaging than physical. I am talking from experience.Two of my kids were so damaged they lost two years of going to school thankfully and with the help of social services they are back on track and doing very well.

    Her family hate me for getting the authority’s involved and to be honest I don’t care  it was all about the kids.

    Its about you and your child

    P

     

     

    #26594 Report

    CF
    Participant

    Yes I agree, well done.. I need to be stronger to stand up to him for the sake of our child..I’m in a difficult position as although I work i am still financially dependant on him

    Thank you

    #26602 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi C

    Your child will be seeing mother stressed out. The last thing you need is your child thinking it’s their fault that mammy and daddy are arguing and it does happen

    He will have to pay c/m best contact cms

    When she went I was scared however now I’m a bit further on I find the challenge exciting and very rewarding

    As  I’ve mentioned in previous posts its the change to our daily routine that is the scariest part of a separation

    P

    #26651 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hi CF, welcome to the forum although I’m sorry about the circumstances that brought you here.

    What you’ve described is definitely abuse and you should not have to put up with it both for you and your child.

    If you haven’t already contacted these organisations they may be able to help.

    Womans Aid 0808 2000 247

    National Domestic Violence helpline for support on 0808 2000 247.

    Please remember that violence does not have to be physical.

    All the best

    Mark

    #26674 Report

    Amy17
    Participant

    Hi,

    That’s awful what your experiencing, it’s very kind of you to be allowing him back home to visit his child so that they feel surrounded by their things and are happy. Is there anyone who could be there instead if you? Just so your not putting yourself in that situation and he’s still getting the contact with your child. Or can you meet at an indoor play / park?

    You can’t control what he says to your child but children learn and pick up on things so just keep being you as you seem like a really fair person, also contact no.s mentioned!

    Amy

    #26781 Report

    CF
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for your help and replies… I don’t know whether it would be classed as abuse, now it’s petty comments to me (why am I serving dinner on a plastic plate, why I have I done..type things said in my house) he has spells of being much better so I don’t know if he realises/someone has spoken to him… the things he says to our child about what is/isn’t fair worries me more as he shouldn’t be saying..

    I’m sure he feels sad about the situation and I have agreed it is good for our child for both parents to go to the park or something together but it’s terribly strained and awkward. My family are unable to visit when he comes to my home.

    He got pretty much everything (he said i would get money to furnish a house when i buy a home),  when we left the joint home, I split child clothes so he had some and took some toys & a few things I knew were sentimental to my child but wish I’d managed to get more.. (it was an awkward house move)

    On another note, (sorry!), does anyone know what happens if a (part time) working mother gos from being employed to unemployed?..  my job is being relocated and it’s unrealistic for me to travel that much further..I dont want to work so far from my child, especially in case of emergency. I think financially it would be frowned upon but I’m worried if I become /make myself unemployed it wouldn’t look for supporting my child and myself (I’m hoping I can work from another office but this is seeming unlikely at the moment and the distance is such that they won’t offer redundancy ) I have started looking for work but need something around school hours, which aren’t in abundance

    Thank you

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