Bereavement manifests in different ways . Also children can home in on how your feeling and play up and are quite sensitive on your state of mind .
I am not in the same position as you but my life changed when my elder sister died then quite shortly by my mum from a broken heart . So I now I just concentrate on my daughter and work and it’s like I have blocked these beautiful people out and I no longer remember them .
So my advice to you is that you need to go for counseling. I did not cry for these people who raised me because I had to support my niece’s and other relatives that I never thought of myself . Take care and maybe you could ask your GP . There is cruisebereavement which will give you both support. Take care of yourself