Just so lonely
2 December 2019 at 8:25 pm #33574
I’ve been raising my 13 month old daughter alone since she was 2 months old.
Ive had to move to where my family live and I have no life. I don’t know anyone here, I can’t drive as I always lived in big cities and never needed to, and this is a small place.
I am just so so lonely and I can’t cope with it anymore. I was able to push it aside and ignore it but more and more it’s taking over every day and I’m so down. I know motherhood can be lonely anyway, but I even avoid mum and baby groups etc because I just keep meeting people with perfect little families and perfect homes and the life I thought I was about to have.
I’m not a bitter person and I wouldn’t beg rude anyone happiness but it’s just so hard being on the outside. I feel like I’m the only one. I’m still in my 20s and gave up freedom and fun and spontaneity thinking I was trading it for lovely family life and I was happy with that – but I didn’t know I was going to end up alone. Now I just feel like I’m ‘nowhere’ I’m just a single mom.. not a happy family mom, not a young free single person.
I feel trapped and I can’t see it ever getting better. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world and she’s more than I could have ever imagined, but I want us to have a family.. I want to get married and have those family days out and that love and I just can’t see it ever happening, I can’t see past this point.
Am I the only one feeling like this?2 December 2019 at 8:44 pm #33577
Hey there. Firstly you are never alone and there are lots of people here to support you.
Bringing up a child is hard work and at times it all becomes too much – this is completely understandable and please don’t feel bad about struggling. It is normal and really healthy to admit to this.
There are many great things you do every day as a parent that you probably don’t even notice. Keep strong and be proud of the journey you are on bringing up your child. There will be other single parents near you that you may not even know about. But always remember there are people to listen and this includes professional organisations.3 December 2019 at 6:26 am #33587
Hi, have you talked to your GP or health visitor. It sounds like you may have a touch of pnd which is making things feel so impossible at the moment.
i found myself in similar situation and it is hard. Can your family help? You need a bit of support. Which part of the UK are you in? Someone may be able to suggest a group that can help.3 December 2019 at 8:23 am #33593
Thank you both for replying, I’m not sure I’ve figured this out so I don’t know if I’m replying in the right place.
Kathy I’m in Northamptonshire, my family aren’t very good with this stuff. They’re supportive practically but not emotionally which is actually the bit I’m struggling with the most.3 December 2019 at 9:17 am #33595
Lonileness is a common thread with us single parents so your far from alone. It must be especially hard seeing as you’ve moved from the hustle and bustle of city life to a country life, I’d feel the same only opposite, cities seem like the loneliest places in the world to me, it’s just a matter of perspective.
There’s nothing to say that you can’t have your dreams of being a family, your young and have a long life in front of you, and no man worth his salt would ever reject you for already having a child. In the big scheme of things this part of your life is just a short term blip although I understand that it doesn’t feel like it atm.
Kathy is right in that it might be helpful to talk to someone. Apart from your GP here are a few other organisations that could possibly help.
SANEline – 0300 304 7000 SANE’s freephone helpline is open 16.30 – 22.30 everyday on 0300 304 7000 to talk about how you’re feeling http://www.sane.org.uk/
Mind’s Elefriends forum is an anonymous 24/7 forum with an app, to talk about whatever you want to a highly supportive, lively online community: https://www.elefriends.org.uk/
Family Lives provide general support to families on issues around parenting, emotional support and just generally coping as a parent https://www.familylives.org.uk/ 0808 800 2222
Mind 0300 123 3393
Also have you checked out to see if there’s any local gingerbread groups to you? Here’s a link:
Things will get better, the cloud that’s hanging over you will one day pass.
Mark4 December 2019 at 1:59 pm #33634
I know how you feel, I also have a baby and have been single and completely alone, since the very beginning!
At first, I enjoyed and now I feel more and more stressed and lonely. I also have no family here, nobody to talk to nobody to help me.
I’m so depressed last few days..
I would like to find more women in my situation to help each other!
if you are in London would be great to meet! And if not we can also chat anyway..
message me if you want to chat x5 December 2019 at 5:44 pm #33683
Yep, I’ve also been there…
I was 19, had a job I really loved and plenty of money and was just seriously getting on the dating scene (I was a late starter 😂)
Then I met a guy.. and I fell A over T in love and then I got pregnant (happier time ever) so I swapped my old life to make it work with his dad.
Less than two years later I was a single mum, no job with strangers asking me why I had no husband or job (nosey old crows)
I wanted to have that family life so badly that I ended up dating a few really horrible guys. Now my son is 13 and we are still living just the two of us. I’m not saying it will happen to you.
It was only 6 years ago I got my current job so I get to see people on a daily basis and I have a couple of friends. But I have accepted that I probably will never have that ‘perfect family’ but it’s ok.
It is possible to get a part time job, there is plenty of help out there. I would try and find a nice little job for yourself because the longer you leave it the harder it will be. And also enjoy being with your daughter. If you spend time worrying about meeting the perfect someone then you will miss out. Trust me they grow up fast 😀