Just separating don’t know where to start

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  • #47355 Report

    Laurie85190
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    I have just began the separation process with my daughters dad. We lived together and he worked. Due to health reasons I’m signed off sick. I know I have made the right decision but I really don’t know where to start with regards to my privately rented house and my financial situation now that we are no longer together. My ex isn’t making it easy and is refusing  to communicate with me in regards to anything which may make my situation a bit clearer. Eg contact with our daughter, where he is going to live etc.
    I have told him to stay in the house until he gets somewhere else but he is being awkward and saying he is going to sleep in his car which I’m not happy about as the weather is bloody awful.

     

    I should probably have mentioned previously that I have no family where I live and I’m about 3 hours away unable to get to them due to being unable to drive and covid restrictions (they’re in tier 4) so I having to do this completely alone. As for my ex he has family up here but won’t stay with them.

     

    I just have no idea what to do or where to start.

     

    any advice is very much appreciated.

     

    thank you for your time

    #47357 Report

    Effusive
    Participant

    Morning, @Laurie85190

    First and foremost, sorry to hear what you’re going through. My thoughts are with you.

    And although I’m 6 months further down the line, each and everyone’s case has to be taken on merit. Unfortunately advice isn’t a ‘one size fits all.’

    That said, with regards to your ex, he’s a man. What we say and what we do are usually two completely separate things. He might say he’s going to sleep in his car, and he probably will park around the corner and sit in it for a few hours gathering his thoughts. Then when reality bites, IE the cold weather, hunger and nature calls etc. he will be back with his family.

    You mentioned contact with your daughter – I take it that means him making arrangements to still see her as she will still be residing with yourself?

    And finally, your privately rented accommodation – were you both footing that bill? Unfortunately I am not qualified to give advice on legal matters such as rent and benefits as I have never been in that situation, but you have come to the right place. There will be numerous others who have, and will be able to point you in the right direction.

    Even if just being here and letting it all out is your starter for ten, hopefully the rest will fall in to place.

    Good luck and keep us informed.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Effusive.
    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Effusive.
    #47413 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    @Laurie85190

    Hi Laurie. I hope you’re ok. I really do feel for you. I have rented privately. I hope I can help you.

    1. Are both of your names on the tenancy agreement?

    If it’s just his, you’ll either have to have the conversation about adding yours and removing his or looking for somewhere else for yourself altogether.

    2. If just your name is on there, then you are within your rights to ask him to leave. However, I sense you are too nice to do that.

    3. Notify your landlord about your split and what you’ll be doing going forward.

    4. Financially, do you have any joint accounts or are your accounts separate? Contact your bank regarding any joint accounts which are due to be split. Again, he’ll need to play ball to discuss this with you.

    5. If he isn’t going to be living with you then you need to arrange days. If he is refusing to talk, all you can do is try to maintain and encourage that contact but if he’s refusing, there’s not much you can do.

    At the end of the day, he’s a grown adult. He needs to talk about this with you. You shouldn’t have to chase him.

    6. If he’s choosing to sleep in the car, if that is what he’s saying, then let him sulk and crack on. You have a daughter to look after. You can’t worry yourself with his stubbornness. No the weather is not great but you can’t worry about him on top of everything else.

    I hope I’ve helped you with a few bits. Let me know if you need anything else.

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