Just need help

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  • #64976 Report

    Allfather85
    Participant

    I split from my ex about 4 years ago, we have a 7 year old girl I love more then anything.

    Quick back story!!

    we met and after a month she got pregnant, her family are very well off and I come from nothing, so they paid for us to move into a flat without asking me and without me seeing the place.
    I was working full time but only a crappy job in a shop that didn’t pay great but because she wasn’t working the bills and everything else would fall on me.
    I would have to argue with her just to get her to use the housing benefit to actually pay the rent because she said “that was her money and it was up to me to pay for the flat”.

    This is happening at the same time she is neglecting my daughter by not changing her nappy from the night before till 11am/12pm the next day and not washing out bottles so I’d find mold inside the rims plus many other things.
    But she’s a compulsive liar she lies about things she doesn’t need to and everyone ignored me,, I became more depressed then I am normally.

    After 3 years I had to get out and I tried to take my daughter but because I had no money and no place to live I had no choice but to leave her with her mum but I see her 4-6 times a week and every weekend she stays with me without fail (I had covid and my ex sent her over).

    Now 7 years in she has gotten better but she still does not think like a parent.

    So now onto why I need help. The past 4 years iv been forced to live with my dad in a single room bed sit, iv worked on and off in that time as iv got health issues that force me to stop working for periods or time and managed to save about £1500 but because during the lockdown I had to pay my ex’s bills for an entire year because she could’t work and so all my money disappeared very quickly.

    In November last year I went back to work and it was an ok job but the hours where a little all over the place.
    3 weeks into the job I get an email from my daughters school telling me she had been late nearly everyday for the past 3 months and threatens to involve child services.
    So I quit my job and now get up at 5:30am Monday to Friday and travel for an hour just to get my daughter to school on time.
    When I broke down to the school and told them everything I got the response I always get “oh she doesn’t come across like that”.

    So now I’m back to having no job, all my money goes on bus fair and once again my ex is getting all the praise for the change and I’m just at my end with it.

    Im always depressed, I’m always anxious and I cry at the stupidest stuff and when I speak to the doctors they just fob me off with courses or quick fix options, I even told them that I started to self harm again after nearly 20 years of not doing it and there response was that I should talk to someone.

    I have no friends, my family are not comforting people and my local council are completely useless.

    The past week iv been thinking about death a lot, I know I wouldn’t do anything because my daughter needs me so much but I’m worried that feeling will get stronger and stronger and out do the love I have for my child.

    Iv always been alone but now I’m at rock bottom and I don’t have the energy to climb back out.

    I don’t know what else I can do anymore.

    #64977 Report

    Surreyman
    Participant

    Mate pm me. Where are you from, I’m here and I understand how tough it can be. I’m a dad too, you are not alone, talk to me. We can chat and swop story’s

    #64978 Report

    QBee
    Participant

    You are amazing and thank you for reaching out, you are an amazing dad to your young daughter, please get in touch so I can help you further x

    #64980 Report

    Allfather85
    Participant

    Thanks for your kind words and any help would be appreciated, even just talking to anyone would help.

    Im just so frustrated and angry and then iv been depressed since I was a small child and I started having panic attacks during the long lockdown so it’s all just on top of me and as they say “I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel”.

    It’s just constant darkness and without hope.

    #64982 Report

    Yaz
    Participant

    Good morning all father.

    I am so sad hear that you are not coping well.  The school probably knows what the mother is like so rather than get dragged onto your business and seem unprofessional & biased they have said these words to you. As you have got low self esteem because of the situation you have had time to think well the school Is going to take her side not mine. This is not the case as they cant take parents  side.

    You will have more money and get out and meet prople & socialise if you are working.  If your  child went to live with you hmrc would support a working lone parent.

    Your child lives   with the mother so it’s her duty to get her ready like I do for mychild and the majority of people who read this. You should not have left your job to take your child to school. You should have let  school inform social services.. Social services do not take children away and they would have supported you and listened to your story. There is evidence to show them that the child was getting to school late and maybe more that you Re not aware of

    #64983 Report

    AnotherStatistic
    Participant

    Honestly, you deserve a medal. You should be very proud of your resilience and your commitment to your daughter. She is so lucky to have a dad like you in her life and the role model you are. Don’t forget that

    #64984 Report

    TxRedneckUK
    Participant

    I am a single dad and have custody of my children. Oldest is 26 and special needs and youngest is 16(going on 30) and have a 20yr old that lives on her own now but the oldest and youngest live with me.

    I hope it all goes well for you and your daughter and eventually for your ex. It does sound like you do still care for your ex, and that is not a bad thing. I still care about all 3 of my ex wives (you always will and never want them to be hurt). But put your daughter first in everything and you will be ok. PM me if you want. I am always willing to help you. Plus, if you are religious, remember God wants us to protect our children at all cost. Like he watches over us, his children.

    JW

    #64998 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi @Allfather85. I’m sorry to hear how difficult things are. Please look out for a private message from me with suggestions for where to get support. Best regards, Helen

    #65035 Report

    Gekko1
    Participant

    hey Allfather, sorry to hear about the nightmare you have been going through.  where abouts are you, get in touch.  maybe we can help each other and share a house together and build a new life.  life can be so shite, trust me i know, we are still struggling now, story of my life.  just know you are not alone, and its good to talk,  as a previous person mentioned above, the school probably are aware how slack the mother is and she is probably being watched by the school under the Safe guarding policy.  what you need to do, is get yourself sorted and then you can claim her, through the courts.  its not that hard.  re the concerns about your child, you can contact the school and let them know who you are… so its known that you have independantly alerted the school about your childs welfare, or better still you can alert social services anonymously, (so to prevent any backlash from the mother,)  let them know that you have serious concerns about the childs welfare, let them know what you already know.  you dont have to say who you are.  so then atleast your child is being monitored by the system.  then start to concentrate on yourself.  dont worry about work too much, you need external support for single fathers or just men, speak to your doctor about your depression and get physically fit first, which will then help your mind. then take on a small part time job, so not stress yourself out.. little steps at a time.  holla back when you are ready… i hope that helps…stay strong, and stay with us, your daughter needs you to win this fight, and we want you to win this fight…

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