Been married to my husband for 5 years and we have been together for 7 years. We have 4 year old and a 6 month old. I had to leave him last week as his behaviour went from verbally abusive to physically abusive. Sometimes I feel ok, but feels weird having control back of my life again and had no idea what kind of relationship I was in till I left.
I am in your situation too. Difference is: We were together 13 years. The violence was female to male. He needs therapy. Something triggers the violence. You need to register this with the police otherwise it’s weaker in court (if it comes to that, and it was with me as I never “complained”). Sadly, you have to complain.
My husband used to say to me I needed counselling and was my fault he got angry and for ages I blamed myself, but now I understand that it wasn’t my fault and most probably going to therapy and being on anti depressants were all down to him. I just find it hard at the moment as I look at my children and feel myself getting emotional.
Highly unlikely any amount of therapy available in this country will help abusers.
Under no circumstances attempt to enter into mediation.
You’re really brave to have left so give yourself a big pat on the back. The average DV victim takes 7 attempts so don’t be surprised if he tries to lure you back in. Women’s Aid are fabulous and I’ve found kindred spirits on Twitter. Also, there’s the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.
Have you spoken to the police at all? Do you have or feel that you may need a non-molestation order?
The first two years following separation are times when you’re at a higher risk of danger so please stay safe.
Defo, as my counselling never seemed to fully work, which makes sense now. Also he is trying to already get me to come back and making excuses for what he did. I will never go back though, my children are my main priority and keeping them safe. Glad I left when I did as no idea how far he would of gone with the abuse. Feel an idiot for putting up with it for so long and thinking it was normal.
Good for you Christina for having the strength and courage to leave. I left my abusive marriage a few months ago and I can tell you, life is so much better. There are different stresses being a single mum but I feel peace again, which I hadn’t felt in years. Keep your children as your focus and you will never look back.
Violence of any kind should be reported to Police at time it happens. My Stepdaughter was abused both mentally and Physically by her mother (now my ex wife) for several years. Sometimes she ended up staying at my parents house for safety. I never saw the violence as worked away a lot so I was unable to report myself as did not have evidence. Told stepdaughter to report to police as they take such matters seriously. She never did though even when she passed age of 18 she was abused. I now fear that Son’s future may be like his half sister’s past.
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