Just had enough

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  • #37132 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Previously posted on here about my ex

    This is a long one.. So bare with me and I hope someone keeps reading until the end. Split up with my ex 7months ago, finally plucked up the courage to leave a 13yr 3 kids abusive relationship.. He was seeing the children regularly until I was made aware he was drug taking and poss dealing. Oh and then turned up to my house drunk tried getting into my house to get my current partner (had 7 kids in the house at the time) tried ramming into the car the kids and I were in then proceeded to knock me down with his van… Then had a police Chase past myself and my kids in a car I’d just given back to him … (he had also gone off the rails because even tho he mentally and physically abused me I done everything for him kept everything afloat kept house in my name) so when He also never took the kids anywhere just drove around for the time he had them… Stopped contact until he off and on I tried using my mum as a 3rd party so we needn’t speak or see each other as we just argue, he then started manipulating her so she called that a day I then contacted his mum to be the intermediary and that worked for a little time until she tryed blackmailing me.. So I knocked it on the head completely as he also had court end of Jan for driving offences and a public order offence.. So thought I’d wait and see if he ended up going to prison again (already been inside for driving offences) and thought I’d give him yet another chance once that was dealt with and wipe the slate clean, he had court was adjourned in between giving me no end of s**t he was being reasonable so thought OK I’ll start up the contact again, he saw them Sunday, Tues for an hour as sons bd, then asked to have them for tea (in his usual place.. A pub) this eve so I’ve dropped them off as he is banned atm, and all he does is bully, my cars dual mass is on the way out, why did I not bring our other son (3year old who was up all night with sickness so thought it best to keep him in the warm) so he could see his dad for 2 mins, I need to cheer up (well I’m fine til I’m around him) he just can’t be pleasent and I’ve had enough, I left him to prevent my kids seeing anymore than they already have but he’s still got to be a complete arse, and I just don’t want to have to deal with it, I keep trying keep giving him chance after chance and he just can’t suck it up for the kids sake… Where do I go from here? All this just isn’t working

     

    He had his 2nd hearing today for driving offences and trying to get in my house to kick the crap out of my partner with all kids inside… His sister stopped by my car on the school run to inform me he had gone to prison.. Then continued to put all the blame onto me laughing at anything I said about her brother as though I’d gone round the twist and made it all up.. Generally saying poor kids you’ve took their dad away ita all your fault your name was brought up in court etc etc so I feel utterly shite ur was like he used to be with me fobbing the blame and making me feel worthless when in fact it had taken all my strength to finally walk away…

    Got court next month aswell for the running me down incident and well to be quite Frank I don’t want to go if I’m called in.. I don’t want to be the brunt of more ridicule for the possibility of being the cause for his sentance being extended i don’t want the hassle all I wanted was to leave him and be happy with my kids I always knew if I went all of this would happen hence putting it off for years.. Should have just kept plodding along, was easier than this

    • This topic was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: Removed formatting codes
    #37172 Report

    Betzy
    Participant

    my situation is a little different but what is the same is how abusive partners and their families are unable to take any responsibility for their actions. Their way of coping (not the right word) is to blame their behaviour on others. My ex was arrested and removed from the family home because of his behaviour towards our disabled child and because I wouldn’t let him back into the home and took him to court to try and stop him ever harming our other children. I have been made out to be the worst of the worst. However me and my children are in a much better place and I just tell myself that they have to live with their delusions and I’ve tried to have as little to do with any of them as possible. Good luck

    #37173 Report

    Craigiiboy
    Participant

    Hi,

    i can only apologise on behalf of the male population and say we are not all like that.

    I’m on here as I’ve split from my partner and have my son and now nearly 2 years down the line, she is making it the most difficult situation for me to see him. I wasn’t a saint and who is but I only want the best for him. Me and my ex were not good and we constantly argued, but I would never raise a hand, although I admit I was aggressive in my tone. I received a broken finger from her and maybe my fault for using the aggressive tone to get my point over, but anyway not why I’m here.

    My ex is playing my son against me and he had went form being with me every second weekend, to now not wanting to see me  not through my choice and certain scenarios and issues from y ex, well I think??

    How do I get him back?

     

    #37239 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Thanks Betzy, it’s difficult when you live in close proximity to them all. I know he can’t control what his family does but it’s how he’s painted the picture that’s made them behave like this.. And to be quite honest I dont want that poison around my children! I left him to prevent anymore of this but seems it will still be around them either way..

    #37240 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Craigiiboi, no just seems this particular family have poisen running thru their veins male or female…. I would suggest going to mediation/court to see your son.. That is my next step as I don’t want anything to do with any of his family anymore. I’ve been the one to approach his family to be a 3rd party so we need not see each other on hand overs etc as he seems to be unable to control himself and just be vile. It’s all just crap

    #37241 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Jadie, think of it this way.  The prison system is full to bursting. People don’t get prison sentences lightly, seldom for first offences, they have to have done something truly awful.

    Your ex went to trial, the jury concluded that he was such a danger to you or others that he needed to be locked up.  What his family think doesn’t matter.

    Report any intimidation to the police immediately.

    It’s nearly over, possibly one more court day and your kids will be safe from that influence for years. And you’ll be protecting the next poor woman he would have moved on to. Keep going. I can’t say how brave I think you are.

     

    #38566 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Update…. And now he’s out early, he text me today saying can I see the kids.. I said u do realise we are on a lock down and you’ve been mingling with God knows who… Then then abuse continued… I’m a horrible mother I’m trying to control him!!  I feel enough is enough all he had to do was be civil bit it’s an impossible task, and now I find out he was released yest and has been messaging my 12yr old daughter over snap chat!! Telling her not to tell me.. I’m mortified devestated he can’t just be an adult and message me about contact again instead he’s got to carry on being the narrcassist he is and now he’s manipulating my daughter.. Enough enough I think urs time for the courts to decide…

    #38603 Report

    Kylejohn
    Participant

    Hi I went through something similar with my ex.my daughter lives with me due to the abusive I and my daughter received from her I but my foot done not because she was hitting me because I didn’t  want my daughter turning out like her I’d go straight to court he will lose his pr rights without a doubt but every time he’s abusive save the texts every time his family is abusive call the police and log it also call the social services and just ask for advice because then it’s logged and it looks better on you he’s a criminal he’s emotional and physically abusive to you and by stopping him access your seen as the protective parent that’s what the social told me I set up before all this started that my ex could see our daughter every other Friday from 12-3 but I still called the police The night before to say that their could be an issue I’m just logging it and they gave me a urn number if I needed to call the police if she kicks off during contact the more you log the better it is for you but every time he turns up at your house uninvited ask him to leave if he refuses call the police and have him arrested looks bad on him makes him look unstable but he will lose in court

    #38616 Report

    Nicoladoingitalone
    Participant

    Hey, super late but I get you. Wanted to post so we could catch up tomorrow. New to this. Hope we can help each other tomorrow xxx

    #38617 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Thank you for the advise, I feel awful for stopping contact but he’s a manipulative narrcassist pig, he added me to his call list in prison and I accepted it ONLY so he could speak to the kids.. But not once did he call them.. They miss him but I’ve tried explaining to them I’m not being a cow I’m doing it to protect them..  They have short memories and forget just how bloody awful it was when he lived with us.. I honestly don’t think he will bother taking me to court he just wants the arguments with me, he doesnt give a s*** about them kids but how do u explain that to them?.. Its all just rubbish..

    #38631 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    And it continues…. I woke up to a load of texts with him going on how I need to get ready coz my worlds going to come crashing down, and he’s better than me and a letters on it way etc etc, I also found his had set up a tiktok and has been messaging my 10yr old telling him not to tell me and to delete the messages!! He also messaged my mum a load of abuse.. This was all between 1am and 3am I might add, this is all making me feel like absolute crud, I’ve just emailed a solicitor..  Just can’t believe he’s being an underhand snake all he needed to do was be civil and have these kids best interests at heart, but most of the messages were going on about my dad who I don’t know and my current partner… Minds blown..

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