Just given birth feel so alone
16 July 2021 at 12:11 am #56580
Hi guys, me & my partner split up during my pregnancy- he’s not been involved, hasn’t been consistent with our other child and he just doesn’t seem bothered because we aren’t together.
Ive just given birth, at home with the baby and I have never felt so alone in my whole life. I can’t stop crying & I feel like such a failure 😣16 July 2021 at 4:04 am #56581
Hey, jules, I understand exactly how you feel, it is a mirror image of my own situation. Firstly let me start by saying how brave and wonderful you are, all what your feeling is natural, I’d be worried if you were not having all these mixed emotions. There isn’t a magic wand to fix this, I coped by feeling everything wholeheartedly, be it good bad or otherwise, if I felt to cry I did, if I felt to scream I did if I felt to laugh, I did.
It does pass, you will feel better I promise.
There’s going to be very painful
moments in your life that will
change your entire world in a
matter of minutes. These moments
will change YOU. Let them make you
stronger, smarter, and kinder.
But don’t you go and become
someone that your not.
Cry, scream, if you have to. Then you
straighten out that crown and
keep it moving.16 July 2021 at 7:18 pm #56614
I am sorry it’s feeling so hard at the minute and I want to send a virtual hug to you and your baby.
Please tell your community midwife or health visitor how you are feeling as they should be able to give you some local, face to face support.
Sending very best wishes
Nicky16 July 2021 at 8:18 pm #56616
It sucks to be left to do it all, especially just after having a baby. Personally I couldn’t understand how a parent could care so little for their kids! I have 6 kids the youngest is now 7 but remember the baby times well!
Always happy to listen if you want to chat and even meet up or something somewhere like a park or something of your nearby!17 July 2021 at 12:12 am #56626
Thankyou guys for your kind words! I feel abit better today, it’s just so disgusting how he can just turn his back on us just because I don’t want to be with him.. like he’s doing it to get back at me. It’s horrible because sometimes I wonder if I should just take him back to make our lives easier, but it’s not fair the way he’s been throughout my pregnancy and now towards our kids is absolutely vile & selfish!
I just didn’t picture my life this way at all.. I feel like such a fool & it breaks my heart that my poor kids have such a looser for a dad 😞20 July 2021 at 10:43 am #56741
Hi Julezx, I completely hear you (sending huge hugs) – I’m in a very similar situation and have the same feelings towards my ex. My baby is 2 weeks old now and, although I speak to my ex on the phone, I haven’t seen him for 4 months. Pathetic! Feel so let down and resentful at his hurtful disregard.
I have times of just needing to cry and scream too and I worry about the future. BUT I remind myself that I’m the strong one and will do my absolute best to be the best Mum I can be. I also find it helpful to make a list of the practical things I will do to help my situation like sorting out maintenance and tax credits etc. Gradually I will see to each one, but it helps to swot up on how to apply etc so you feel like you’re getting prepared. AND I know that being in a relationship with my ex again is not what I want either so I have to move forward and this is a positive choice. It sounds like you feel the same.
I also referred myself for Talking Therapies for my related anxiety through the NHS website. I got an instant referral for CBT as postpartum and have a weekly session – helpful to talk to someone. Perhaps it would help you too xxx20 July 2021 at 12:24 pm #56750
I know you have a lot to worry about and from what you say I doubt he is contributing financially. If that is the case contact CMS ASAP, they don’t back date it so the sooner you contact them the better.
If nothing else he should contribute to help you raise the child, it does not give him any rights to visit etc but it will help you, CMS sort it all out so you don’t even have to talk to him about it.