I've just realised I am lonely!
4 December 2019 at 3:21 pm #33635
I am a single dad currently in Solihull. I have 2 teenage kids, son lives away at university, daughter is 16 and in her final year at school and lives with me. The doctor has signed me off from work for 4 weeks with anxiety and low mood. I have been trying to find myself help with how I am feeling, might finally now be on the way to getting some CBT organised. Gingerbread was one of the websites recommended following my assessment and reading this forum has made me realise that I am not alone with my feelings and my experiences, which has made me feel somewhat better already.
Due to quite a nomadic existence and a persistent feeling of not being worthy, I haven’t really maintained friendships my whole life… my ex wife was my best friend, which has left me very isolated. I have a loving extended family, but no-one who I feel I could talk to freely, as part of me feels like a failure in their eyes.
I was living abroad when my marriage started to fall apart. It limped along for a further 9 years before my wife left me and the children. We swapped roles when we moved abroad and I was the main carer and she was the main earner. Unfortunately, she made it impossible for me to remain where we were and when I said that I needed to return to the UK, my children wanted to return with me. We went to court and it concluded that this was the true wish of the children so my wife reluctantly agreed. She has continued to be difficult over money and doesn’t communicate with me at all – which tends to put the children in the middle and I know this has caused them distress.
Compared to when we returned in 2016, things are seemingly much better. I managed to find work and got a place (not great) to live. Children are doing well in education. But I have recently been feeling a creeping foreboding that it might all go wrong again and this has led to my anxiety.
Since returning to the UK, I haven’t really attempted to cultivate any friendships, partly because I feel that would be selfish and I should concentrate on my kids, but also because I feel like I’m not like anyone else, whether that be life experiences, interests or my sexuality (bisexual – discreet / closeted).
I think I just need to meet people who I have something in common with and who I can talk to without feeling like the odd one out. I don’t expect to find that all in one person, but I think other lone parents may be a good start.
If there is anyone who can relate to my post give me a shout, if not then I wish you well on your journey too.4 December 2019 at 7:12 pm #33639
I am sorry to hear about your loneliness. Time to get out there and do some voluntary work. Lots of hospices need help and so do organisation s like crisis. You will make friends and meet people who are worse off then you. Good luck5 December 2019 at 5:33 pm #33682
It sounds like you are doing a great job so far. I think we all worry that the life we created for our kids will go pear-shaped. I don’t think making time for yourself is selfish. If anything it would be nice for your kids to see you making friends with people. I’m sure they don’t want you to be lonely.
I don’t have an active social life and very few friends that I hang out with. I would live to date but with all this technology it’s all too easy for people to ‘shop around’.
Anyway hope you feel better soon