It's all to difficult
23 April 2018 at 9:06 am #10502
My partner broke up with me just over 3 months ago and although things were very difficult in the beginning it got a lot better and I was doing well. But just lately I feel as I did at the start of the breakup. I feel lost and lonely and it’s all just too much. His life with his new partner is perfect, he has everything he wanted and I feel broken and alone. Its not fair, and I know life isn’ but I just want my old life back, or at least what I thought it was before I found out about the lies and cheating. I don’ feel strong enough for all of this.23 April 2018 at 9:14 am #10503
Hi Hellyem. It’s like losing a limb isn’t it? However, things are what they are. Clearly you were in a bad relationship and one day you will look back and count yourself lucky to be out of it. For now, it is painful. It’s like saying labour is painful and gruesome and too much to handle, but you have to go through it, whether you want to or not, and at the end you have a beautiful new life in your hands. It’s like that. His life with his new partner isn’t perfect. He isn’t seeing the children grow up every day.
PM me any time, all the best.23 April 2018 at 9:30 am #10505
Thankyou. I’d go through labour a million times if I didn’ have to go through this. I’m on the verge of giving up. I know it will get better eventually but there’s a small part of me that thinks what if it doesn’t what if this it just it.23 April 2018 at 9:35 am #10507
Have you tried going to a local single parent group? You’ll find mums and dads at all stages. If you see the other, better, side does exist that might reassure you.23 April 2018 at 10:01 am #10508
I haven’ been to any groups but I have some friends who are single parents and they are doing well. The kids have been great I think the main thing is coming to terms with how I thought someone who was so perfect could hurt me so much and act like I didn’t matter. I was no saint to live with but he lied and cheated and led me to believe everything was fine until the moment he needed it.23 April 2018 at 10:08 am #10509
Yeah, well, similar story to most of us, and look how many of us there are!23 April 2018 at 10:17 am #10515
I know and I’m sorry you’ve gone through something similar aswell. There are probably people that have it worse than me. It’s just rubbish how people can be so cruel23 April 2018 at 10:25 am #10518
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I suppose to be generous you could say that as people grow older they change just like at any age. I was with my partner 13 years. We started having kids 5 years ago. The last 5 years compared to our lives when we met is entirely different. Take me back 13 years from before we met and she and I probably wouldn’t have got together at all as we were very different people. So why shouldn’t we keep changing? I think some relationships grow closer together like nearby trees, and some grow further apart. And some folk stay together and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, but as an outsider you often watch them and think “I couldn’t live like that, they always seem to be bickering” – that seems to work for them but it doesn’t on the surface seem right for me. If I was inside it, maybe I’d feel perfectly comfortable.
I don’t know. No one knows. If I’d known the relationship would end this way I’d have never got involved. However, it led to the children and I can’t imagine them never having existed. They wouldn’t exist without the relationship.
It’s complex.23 April 2018 at 10:51 am #10522
Hi hellyem. It is rubbish how some people can be so cruel isn’t it. It is also comforting how some people can be really kind though. A lot of people in a similar or same situation as you so you are in good company here.23 April 2018 at 12:09 pm #10529
Thankyou both. I would of done anything to make us work. We were together 8 years but the thing is he never told me about his doubts etc so I didn’ have a chance to try and fix everything. He just decided he had enough and he wanted to leave without giving us and the relationship a chance to fix things. He now has a house with one of the girls he cheated on me with who used to be a friend of ours and they are in their happy little bubble while I’m still coming to terms with the man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life just left. Some days I’m a strong woman who doesn’ need him and can do this on my own. Others days I’m broken and alone with no one to cuddle up to once the kids are in bed and I miss us23 April 2018 at 12:12 pm #10530
This is when Gingerbread chatting can help – but sadly not fix!23 April 2018 at 12:15 pm #10531
I know, and I greatly appeciate all the help and chatting about things. I’m aware there is no easy fix as much as everyone would like there to be. It’ times like this I’m rather jelous of psychopaths lol void of feelings and emotion.23 April 2018 at 3:39 pm #10554
Hi hellem I’m sorry you have had to go through this, it’s awful when we trust people and think everything is ok. I’m in a different situation as my wife passed away 7 years ago but I have had relationship since, she told me I was her soul mate in love with me I’m the only person that gets her, then she went back to her ex so it leaves you thinking was it all lies it does make trusting oeople so much harder. I guess if he’s done it to you he can easily do it to her.23 April 2018 at 3:45 pm #10558
Kentmale72 I’m so sorry you went through the kids of your wife and then to be treated like that is awful. All my trust in him has gone but I’ve found myself not trusting others aswell so didn’t realise how much it had affected me. I’m not going to lie when it first happened I hoped they would do the same to each other but right now I don’t know how I feel about it. I find it best to try and not think about the 2 if them together which some days is easier said than done. To be lied to by someone who you loved and trusted completely destroys a part of you I just hope it doesn’t last.23 April 2018 at 3:56 pm #10559
It is awful as a relationship is based on trust, i guess once a chest always a cheat. I’m like you when days I’m happy then other days I struggle and miss the company. To make matters worse she lives 2 mins from me so has to drive past my house on way to hers. It’s not fair thinking that people who treat others badly seem to end up with what we want, I.e the family unit.