It’s a mess

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  • #46148 Report



    First time poster. Apologies if it’s long but it’s such a mess .

    So EX and I have had a long messy relationship… 15 years. 2 kids. 6 and 4.

    We share a house, mortgage 50/50 but the payment action comes out of his bank each month. I work part time as we agreed to save on childcare. I pay for a few bills and food shopping… Plus extras like takeaways/days out. His wage is double mine.


    We’ve recently split ..  a long drawn out argument resulting in us not speaking for over a week, apart from arguing every few days. Him saying it’s over, me agreeing. Him saying he’s moving out then not doing.


    So eventually I moved out with the kids to my parents house because it was an awful atmosphere for the kids to be in. We’re currently sleeping the three of us in a double bed. My parents are great about it.

    I’ve asked ex to move out but he says I’m not kicking him out of ‘his’ house and taking all his money.


    Obviously this leaves me with little choice but to find somewhere to rent…. I’m under the impression that my mortgage won’t affect my UC for the next 6 months as I’ve had to leave due to relationship breakdown.


    Firstly, is this correct?

    Secondly, I’m not losing my rights to my home by moving out am I?

    Thirdly, what’ll happen if he refuses to sell…. In six months time will my UC stop because we have £60,000 equity in the house??


    Sorry it’s so long! I hope I’ve made sense x

    #46150 Report


    If you are married the house will have to be sold unless he buys you out . I think if you was living there and your ex moved out  it would of been more difficult.  Think sometimes you have to wait until kids are 18 in some instances.

    I dont think your benefits would be affected in anyway until the house actually sold and you was in receipt of proceeds from the house. Now you have left you would also get child maintenance one you apply for it to CSM which dont affect your benefits either.  Hopefully your situation calms down and u are both able to have a discussion about what to do and no doubt there will be child arrangements to be spoken about especially about  your 6 and 4 year old.

    I am guessing your oldest can make his own mind up.

    #46151 Report


    Hi, thanks for replying. We aren’t married. But the mortgage is 50/50 shared.


    He’s currently refusing to sell or enter any conversation about it as he’s convinced I’m just out to take his money. It’s obviously anger speaking as our separation is so recent. I guess I’ll have to wait it out until his reasonable side kicks in. I was just concerned that I’d done the wrong thing by moving out and potentially losing my share of the equity.

    I plan to buy a cheap home once the house is sold and the equity is available, I should get enough for a deposit.

    Thanks again

    #46152 Report


    Oh, the children have already had a night stay there. Some tears from the eldest as I’ve always done bedtime but she was okay.

    She’s told me she doesn’t want to go again but I think that’s just because of how attached she is to me. I’m trying to gently persuade her that she’ll enjoy herself

    #46155 Report


    If it’s a 50/50 mortgage, you still retain all your rights, whether you live there or not. That’s not an issue. Now his attitude is though! :S 🙂

    #46163 Report


    Hi, it doesn’t matter if you live in the house or not you are entitled to 50% of it. I’ve just been going through the same thing, I’ve stayed in the house and I’ve always paid more towards the mortgage, bills and food but I’ve still had to pay him 50% equity from it.

    Get onto the child maintenance this is important, you need to be able to support your children.

    Its lovely to hear that you have your family around you too help.

    If you need to talk we are here for you

    #46189 Report

    Renata L

    In any case, you are entitled to 50% of what was purchased in marriage.  Plus, go to the lawyers, they can sue you for moral compensation as well. It’s free online too, like a consultation. I am sure everything will be fine!

    #46197 Report


    Sorry, what is moral compensation?

    What can he sue me for? X x

    #46208 Report


    Dont worry nobody will be getting sued

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