Issues with ex

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  • #18947 Report



    Can anyone advise.


    I had areanged a family plan for child maintaince for my two children based on ex having kids every other weekend.  Originally paying 200 month.  In sept i asked help a one off payment to help buy school uniforms which caused issues and he then decided he was gonna increase to 300, but backed out so oaid 250.  However he has threated to no pay at all few times and has cut children night every few weeks.

    I had a stay in hospital due suspected bleed on brain and an hour before school ended he refused collect kids as had a date.  I had just had lumber puncture so couldnt leave hospital.  The hospital who had seen him create a scene the previous day as he needed come get keys for clothes for kids, was going to contact social service and police to arrange child care.  I mamaged to get family to travel ober hour away to fetch kids from school.


    I have since after ex threating stop paying and claiming he overpaying made a claim to cms.  I advised him i was doing this.  However i have had numerous threats, swearing messages etc off him since.  He had kids today and told them.he home less and it mums fault. Im stressed about it all and dont no what to do, he pressuring me to stop cms claim and says will pay 300.  I dont care what he pays, but want it offical so i have back up if he stops paying.  I have also contacted mediation as i cant talk him face to face because of  his behaviour and texts from him often abusive. Tbh i cant see him agreeing to turn up to.mediation.

    What would u do. I upset son is now upset as dad gonna be homeless and blames me.  Son 10 daughter 9.

    #19050 Report




    For starters I would say going through the CMS they are ABSOLUTELY USELESS! So if he does go to them and complain he has paid too much, then they wont do much in terms of enforcing payments anyway. I put a claim in for money off the kids mother in November 2014 and i’ve still not had a penny, so believe me when I tell you they seem to do nothing to help and if he doesn’t want to pay, there are easy ways to avoid.

    Your ex seems to be trying to poison the kids against you and i’ve heard many people say this has been done on both sides over the years and it is not good. Even though i’d probably throw a party if there mum gone run over, you can’t let the kids know that is your stance.
    If it becomes too much, then i would suggest dropping the kids through a 3rd party (family or friend) until your ex decides to grow up.

    Hope this helps

    #19051 Report


    Thanks unfortantly family over a hour away.and.not got friends kids feel.suitable to hand over.

    My son was ill yesterday and ex forced him to go to his in tears. As he reduces his maintaince paymemt as he has had them two night this week.  Cms called me as he argued having them twice weekly.  So i told them dates he has had and agreeing with me currently. Not expecting payment tbh as he stopped paying all this month.  Which is ok as will find a way to manage.  I just want kids to no where they stand and not come back saying dad called you this and said this and blaned you.

    #19054 Report


    Op, I can only suggest that you continue with the CMs claim, and keep a discrete diary of when ex has children, and what they say about him blaming you. Don’t make a big thing of it.

    For your children, choose a basic line “daddy is upset, and people say things they don’t mean when they are upset” and then maintain normality as far as you can.  When your children see you calm, polite and cheerful, and him name-calling and being nasty, it won’t take them long to work it out. Kids aren’t daft.

    re: being homeless, just say “I’m sure it won’t come to that. let’s wait & see what happens”  Don’t react,

    Your children need cheerful reassurance. It’ll have to come from you because your ex seems to be putting himself first for the moment. Take a deep breathe……

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