Issues with Daughter

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  • #61677 Report

    ajl138
    Participant

    I have been divorced from my ex wife for 13 years now.

    I have a son who is 14 and have a wonderful relationship with. He is my best friend really.

    My daughter is 19 and at University but my relationship with her is at best terrible.

    She has been what I would describe as being poisoned by my ex wife and in particular my ex mother in law. They constantly bag me and say quite a lot of derogatory things about me in front and to my two children.

    They have basically turned my daughter against me. My relationship with my has suffered to the point where we are no longer in touch.

    This was after I sent her a letter about how I feel about her and that I want to be a father to her and that I love and care for her very much, just as much as I do with my son. She has taken the letter the wrong way. It’s 13 years since we split and my daughter will not accept and move on from this. I have said she needs professional help and offered to assist in getting her this (this was mentioned in the letter)

    In a previous relationship my daughter was one of the main causes of that relationship ending and I am now 4 months into a relationship and I don’t want my daughter to ruin it once again.

    I’m at my wits end as to what to do about things. How to restore some sort of relationship with my daughter.

    Is there anyone who has had similar experiences and could offer advice of what I could do or where to go for advice.

     

    #61681 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello,

    for five years, our daughter hasn’t spoken a word to me, apart from hissing. I have been blocked on her phone and her mother has completely cut me out of her live. I met her once, when she needed me for her Uni application. There she was just normal, and I could see how things could be, but she couldn’t escape her mother’s shadow after all. A few weeks ago, I had a text from her. She wanted to come round for supper. So her brother and I prepared a supper, cleaned the house to top-notch standard and welcomed her back. She stayed for three hours. I had a “Thank You” message afterwards and a few sporadic texts since. She is 20 now. So there is some improvement.

    I have always known, blood is thicker than water. Her mother rules by hate and torched earth strategies, and her first victims have always been our children. So that is what she is. A victim. And that is how I always saw her. Stockholm syndrome makes them side with their oppressors, and you need to be patient until there is enough time for them to think, and you have to accept their decision in the meantime. Only time and love can overcome hate. But overcome it will be.

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