isoleted do to narcissistic abuse from ex
5 December 2019 at 4:23 pm #33677
Hi, I am new here. I am divorced but it has been 4 years from separation. My problem is even now that I have all freedom from him I am struggling to find any friends. I am socially awkward, not knowing how to talk to others, how to join conversation always having a feeling I had embarrassed my self or that I will.Even if I do find a person that I think we could be friends I soon find out their way of life is so different, they have families, husbands.,relatives busy life.., and I have this need to explain myself and apologise for my life being so different, I feel ashamed and guilty for not standing up to him earlier,but also not finding words to explain what I went through as most things people just don’t find his actions that awful as they feel to me. I feel like i don’t belong everywhere I go. i am not native to the UK, even do I moved here 15 years ago- my accent is still strong,. so I don’t belong, I am Muslim but I am white so I don’t belong among Muslims too. My reactions or views are so different. I can’t find anyone who would understand and is very lonly. I can’t attend local support groups do to my child having separation anxiety and goes everywhere with me. I have no relatives or friends and find it hard to get better and repair the damage done by 20 years of narcissistic abuse when I have no one I can openly talk to- who would understand. I am afraid of online friendships as abusers can pretend to be nice or even victims and you just handing them a blueprint for what behaviour to avoid to gain your trust. I am afraid to trust anyone. This world feels very lonly place.5 December 2019 at 5:17 pm #33679
Hi Bradford, welcome to the forum, while I understand your lack of trust in people you’ll find the vast majority of the people here very supportive and understanding.
It sounds as though all the negative things your feeling and thinking are symptoms of the abuse you have suffered rather than them being ‘you’, with the right help you will get through this and come out the other side far happier.
The first couple of organisations deal with abuse so they will know exactly where your coming from. Try looking up ‘woman’s aid’ and ‘refuge on the internet. There’s also a helpline which is a collaboration between these 2 organisations, it’s called the National domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247. Please remember that domestic violence is not just about physical violence.
The following organisations are more about your mental health, try them all and see which one works for you.
SANEline – 0300 304 7000 SANE’s freephone helpline is open 16.30 – 22.30 everyday on 0300 304 7000 to talk about how you’re feeling http://www.sane.org.uk/
Mind’s Elefriends forum is an anonymous 24/7 forum with an app, to talk about whatever you want to a highly supportive, lively online community: https://www.elefriends.org.uk/
https://www.giveusashout.org/ TEXT SHOUT 85258 It is a 24 hour 7 day a week 365 day a year crisis text service, delivered by Mental Health Innovations. A team of trained volunteers support anyone in crisis (texter is phone based, volunteer on a computer), and the aim is to help the person in crisis identify coping strategies and get them from a hot place of crisis, to a cool calm place where they can safety plan.
Also please don’t forget your doctor.
All the best
Mark8 December 2019 at 10:17 am #33738
Hey lady, I’m in Bradford too and I totally get what you mean about the impact that your ex has had upon you and your self esteem.
You know the cafe in town by the water, the one next to the toilets, that isn’t part of the nandos section, how would you fancy meeting there for a coffee this afternoon? You don’t need to tell me your life story, you don’t need to do anything at all you don’t want to do.You can bring your child with you as they are very family friendly at the cafe. I often meet my friend there for a coffee during her lunch break
I’m not Muslim and it doesn’t matter one dot to me that you are as long as you don’t care that I am a Christian. My 14 year old son’s best friend is Muslim; they are meeting up in town this afternoon to have a teenage wander around Broadway. My close friend (the one I meet at the cafe) over the road is Muslim. I don’t care about a person’s religion but I do care about the person.
It would be nice to meet you and apparently it isn’t going to chuck it down today which is always a benefit xx
GB please don’t remove this message as I haven’t given out any personal details apart from I live in Bradford. Thank you9 December 2019 at 10:35 am #33789
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Kind regards, Justine