Is your only child happy with no siblings?

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  • #20536 Report

    JessieGrace2
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Advice please!

    My four year old daughter is desperate for a sibling and it’s breaking my heart! Her dad and I split when she was 1 and I am currently single.

    I would love to have another, I always wanted two, but right now I am very happy being single. I am 29 and know that I have time to meet someone and have children with them but there is a 7 year age gap between me and my sister and growing up we never played or weren’t close at all. She lives in another country now and I barely see/speak to her. So I feel that the window for having a sibling for my daughter in which she can play and feel close to them is quite quickly closing.

    I’m not sure if I am mad or not, but I am having thoughts about asking my daughters father if he would like to have another baby (without getting back together, and without having sex….). I would be waking up every night with the baby by myself, but I practically did that anyway with my first so I feel that I could do it again. My ex has a new girlfriend, who has a daughter herself, but she is not able to have anymore. Obviously I would make sure that she is ok with it first, we actually all get on really well. But if she wasn’t ok with it (and I would completely understand if she wasn’t) I may look in to a donor….

    I am wondering if I need someone to tell me that I’m completely bonkers, or has anyone else had a second whilst being single….and did it work out for you?

    Jess

    #20541 Report

    kentmale72
    Participant

    hi Jess, would your ex want to be part of your childs life, from someone looking in on the outside it could get messy, my ex wanted me to be a donor as she longed for another baby, I have two daughters and i would find that hard knowing i had a child somewhere, she ended up going down the IVF route but I think it cost her 21k, she did try the donor route first but that was to no avail, funnily enough she was due to give birth  this weekend, she ended up expecting twins.   Paul

    #20657 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi Jessie,

    I have one child, like you. And I have four sisters.

    I’m closer to my sisters now, but growing up, there was never enough attention, space, food, money.  We competed for resource which meant we didn’t like each other at all.

    So I compromise by making sure my son is close to his cousins, and has plenty of companions. It’s the best I can do.

    #20660 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Hiya

    I also have one child. It wasn’t my choice but the way circumstances have ended up. I think if I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister, she would say yes and I do worry about whether she’ll regret not having had a sibling when she’s older. But she has a good relationship with her cousins and a number of her friends are either also only children or have much older brothers and sisters (one of them has a brother and sister who are 14 and 16 years older). I’m hoping that they’ll stay close as they grow up. We are very close and have a lot of quality time together that we wouldn’t have if she did have a brother or sister. She does actually have 5 step brothers and sisters at her father’s new home and has great fun with them for a limited amount of time but then is always relieved to be home and back in her own room! (‘It’s so noisy, Mummy, and they’re always arguing’)

    I would avoid making your connection with your ex any more complicated than it already is. I would imagine that him fathering another child with you now would be quite confusing for everyone. Where would he stand in terms of bringing the child up? How would that affect his current relationship? Would your daughter fund it confusing that her dad is now a dad to her brother or sister but lives with someone else?

    If you think you could manage having a baby via donor, then go for it but I wouldn’t do it just because you feel guilty about your daughter being an only child and I wouldn’t get any more involved with your ex than you already are.

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