Is there hope? How can I move on?

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  • #55166 Report

    Zo
    Participant

    Help!  This roller coaster ride of emotions is killing me.
    After 15 years together my husband told me, a month ago, he wasn’t happy. Only I was invited to the conversation when it was already too late, he had already made up his mind he wanted a separation. So what ever I said…..he wasn’t interested. I can only accept it.

    Up until about 3 years ago our marriage has been amazing. We never argued and got on really well. The only downside…. He likes to drink. He’s not a drunk but he drinks a lot, when he’s in that state he’s not attractive. I did find myself  physically pushing him away….more and more. He then became extremely moody and it was like constant walking on egg shells around him. He would pick on our daughter relentlessly. Two years ago he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s (which explained the change in his moods).. I was pushing him away physically and he was pushing away emotionally. Not a happy mix, but not for one moment did I see us separating.
    Since the separation It has been so hard. He is still living with me until his flat is ready at the end of this month. This includes sleeping in my bed (back to back). I also know he has been messaging and seeing another woman who is offering the emotional support he won’t get from me. I think this is certainly helping with his eagerness to move on. This hurts so much.
    I am totally heart broken and want more than anything to save my marriage. But it feels hopeless. Can it be saved or am I fooling myself?  I am trying to be cheerful but it is so hard.  To protect myself I am mostly avoiding him. What should I be doing?

    #55267 Report

    oliverdavid
    Participant

    Good Evening Zo

    After being through a divorce myself last year, it is one of the hardest things i have ever faced. The advice i would say from a mans perspective is find out where the route of the issue is. Perhaps offer couples counselling and try to rebuild what is lost for even the children’s  sake. I know right now it may seem like everything is falling apart, but pull in the people close to you and get as much support as you can. That’s one thing i regret was not reaching out for help when times were tough. I hope you do manage to find your way and wish you the very best of luck with it.

    Kind Regards

     

    Dave

    #55271 Report

    Roz101
    Participant

    Hi Zo, I find myself asking the same question. We have a similar background. I am doing the same as you keeping as much distance as i can to protect myself. I dont think there is any right or wrong way to any of this, because it is so hard. Your first line about of rollercoaster of emotions is killing me, thats exactly how i feel too. i didnt comment to give you any advice, i commented because i am going through something so similar. and i found this website this morning as i am not quiet sure how go on with day to day life with the waves of emotions which attack randomly and can be triggered by anything, photos, memories, some of his clothing  is still here, i am heart broken. my husband did the exact same to me a month ago told me he was no longer happy nor loved me. i think life can be so cruel at times, your not fooling yourself its just your feelings and your heart which is all you have ever followed and known. I am in that boat to.

    #55308 Report

    Zo
    Participant

    Hi Dave and Ros

    thank you for replying. Sorry you have gone through it Dave, I hope you are emerging the other side OK?

    I suggested counselling but he had already made up his mind it’s over. Fortunately I have some good friends.

    Roz….sounds like we are in the same place. I know exactly how you are feeling and sorry you are going through this too. I have read every article on how to get my husband back. But I am beginning to realise acceptance is the best thing. My head  is moving on and making plans but my heart is in limbo. I’m hoping things will get better when he moves out.
    the man I love is turning into a stranger in front of my eyes. I can barely talk to him.

    I am here if you need a vent anytime x

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