Is my relationship worth saving
31 August 2020 at 10:13 am #43390
I met my boyfriend in February. When I first met him he started grabbing my phone of me moaning about the amount of boys on my snap. I just thought it was kind of cute a little bit of jealousy. He ended up staying over that night, I was due to be going out for a drink and he was on tag and he had to be home for 7. He didn’t end up going out he said he wanted me to stay in and not go drinking and too spend the night with him. So we did he left my house the next day at 6pm bare in mind he had to be home for 7pm and he lived over an hour away.
He ended up getting arrested and sent to jail . When he got his phone call he told me he loved me I thought it was weird we only just met. When he was in jail he used to promise me the world. He used to write me long love letters every single day and ring me every single day. My feelings just grew deeper and deeper for him because no one had been that nice too me in a while. He started telling me that he didn’t want me going out, when he was out he was going too delete all socials so I should do the same because I only need to dedicate my time to him. I stayed out at my friends house, he rang me and I ended up missing the phone call because I was outside. He rang me back about 10 minutes after, he asked me why I didn’t answer I explained I was at my friends. He wasn’t happy about this one bit and put the phone down on me.
i started visiting him. I tried breaking off things with him because he was just being so possessive for example if I missed a call or what not. He basically be littled me he said he was just using me and he can get better than me anyway. I told him I was breaking up with him and he literally said no I’m not he’s not letting me. Anyway our relationship progressed quite quickly he gave me his facebook password to message his friend for him. Not going to lie I had a nosey through old messages because I didn’t really even know anything about him and he was saying to me when he’s out he’s moving in with me and he wants to marry me. So he told me he’s never had a real relationship. He said his past was too troubled moving about and he’s never been settled long enough to have a relationship. I was the special girl apperently because no other girls ever made him feel the way I make him, that’s why he was “always single”
This turned out to be a lie, he has had 2 serious relationships. Both for a year or longer resulting in one becoming pregnant, and living with the other. I found an article about him online saying that he was a young father. I asked him about this and he said he doesn’t have any children. I’ve tried digging but I can’t find any proof he’s lying or not lying.
anyway he got out and he ended up coming to my house and not leaving ever since. It was all good at first, he made me so happy everything he said to me in his letters was finally becoming so long. I felt like I waited for ever too see him as lockdown had happened aswell and we couldn’t be in contact as much. He told me to delete my Snapchat, which I did for about a month. I ended up getting it back he went mad at me for this but he’s not bothered about me having social media but I think it’s because he has my passwords.
I went to my mates for a couple of drinks with the girls after lock down restrictions got lifted because I had not seen them in so long. As soon as I left he started messaging me asking how long I was going to be. I literally only just left it got too 6 he was telling me he wanted me back home by 9 I said no chance. Anyway due to being with the girls I was busy and didn’t really reply to his texts.
he was calling me a ****, telling me he wanted me home now. Told me he was leaving me he was asking me every 5 minutes who was there was there any boys which their wasn’t. He made me video call him to show him the room. He was supposed to be coming to meet me and walk me home after as I wasn’t too far away. He told me he was going to walk me home because I took the piss and he had left my key in the bin.
A week after this he told me that he still had love for his ex. He said he wasn’t in love with her he just still had a bit of love because they had gotten pregnant. I said I don’t want to be with him if he still has any sort of love for his ex especially as they hadn’t been together for 3 years. He started grabbing my face and he strangled me. He then started crying saying he doesn’t want me to leave him and he couldn’t live without me. I told him if he ever put his hands around my neck again and stops me from breathing he’ll loose me because I’ll never be coming back. He promised he wouldn’t that’s was a lie.
he lost on a game on Xbox and threw his xbox controller at me fall force no reason at all, because he lost his game.
Currently I have bruises all over my cheek. And around and under my eye. I couldn’t even see my mum yesterday when she came round I had to run upstairs and hide away basically because of my face.
I got him a job, I was sick of him just living off me and I thought if we spent less time together than these arguments wouldn’t happen. If anything it’s got worse. He’s started sniffing coke after work on a Friday which I didn’t know about at first. I decided to have a drink with him after work on a Friday. I got really drunk my head was spinning and I just wanted to go to sleep.
He’ll tell me too look at the state of myself. He’ll call me a catfish, he’ll call me a little **** or a **** and how my family’s ashamed of me. But then when we’re okay he’ll tell me I’m beautiful and how proud he is off me .
I love him. I do he’s the only person I really have at the minute. I don’t have anyone else anymore I feel like my heads just gone. I want to be with him because I want things too work, when he’s not being a **** he’s amazing and I love everything about him just not when he’s being horrible.
i just want him to change back too the person he was when we first met he’s my best friend and I couldn’t imagine my life without our him to be honest. Is my relationship worth saving or can it even be saved?
31 August 2020 at 10:52 am #43394
- This topic was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: Moderator edited
Sounds abit like gas lighting. Honestly who would date someone who is tagged! Are you that desperate??31 August 2020 at 10:55 am #43395
“Desperate” he went to jail when he was 19 for something that he learned to regret. He got caught up with the wrong people before he went to jail he had a full time job. I’ve done stuff in my past that I’ve regretted and learned from them mistakes. Some times in life you have to give people a chance because believe it or not people change.31 August 2020 at 11:00 am #43396
Good luck.31 August 2020 at 2:17 pm #43405
This is really disturbing to read, he is in total control and abusing you. You need to seek some professional advice and get out of the relationship ASAP.
It sounds like you have no one to turn to, because he’s made it that way.
Reading this reminds me of a BBC Drama, Murdered by my boyfriend.
I honestly don’t think you can save this relationship, the man you met doesn’t exist is was an act31 August 2020 at 2:51 pm #43406
He said to me last night that he loves me and I’m never going to leave him. He said if I do he would kill me because “he’d rather see me in a body bag, than with someone else” I told him that’s just weird and creepy but he said he doesn’t care but he was laughing so I don’t know weather to take it as a joke or seriously. He’s told me before if I break up with him, he’ll camp in my back garden and I said to him I would just move house. He said he’d be watching me and follow me I dunno if he actually would or anything or if he’s just saying it31 August 2020 at 2:54 pm #43407
But then he always tells me he loves me so much and couldn’t live without me so I don’t even think he’d be capable of ever killing me. I know I need to think about leaving but I just wish I could change him but like you said theirs no changing him. I’m kind of just holding onto hope that he’ll change.
31 August 2020 at 6:43 pm #43414
- This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: Edited by moderator
Sounds like you need help!!!31 August 2020 at 6:59 pm #43416
He ticks every box on the woman’s aid recognising domestic abuse and to me you sound almost brainwashed into thinking this is normal.
A part of you obviously recognises it’s not normal as you have posted on the forum, the first move.Contact woman’s aid and go from there.
do you have children?
31 August 2020 at 7:00 pm #4341731 August 2020 at 10:49 pm #43427
- This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by Lulublue.
I’ll be contacting woman’s aid tomorrow. I know it’s not going to easy because I love him but I just can’t be with him anymore.
1 September 2020 at 11:44 am #43437
- This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: Edited by moderator
Go to a and e, tell them what happened and get checked over, they can put you in touch with the relevant people, and do it now.
I think Lulu asked this before but with you posting on a single parenting forum are any kids involved in this? Were they around when this violence occurred? Are they at risk? I’ve already flagged this to a moderator yesterday so hopefully you should have one of them contact you soon with some waypoints.1 September 2020 at 12:28 pm #43441
Please keep an eye out for a private message. I have contacted you with some signposting details.
Kind regards, Justine1 September 2020 at 1:15 pm #43443
Hi everyone, I rang the police last night and have been in contact with woman’s aid today. He was arrested last night. They’re putting in place new locks and alarms in my house.
im doing well at the moment and hopefully they charge him. I’ve already told them I’ll testify against him in court.
thanks everyone for your concern
I don’t have any children of my own. However I have a step child from a previous relationship. I see her once a week I take her out. She’s not been a witness to anything that took place x