Is mum looking after them ok?

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  • #28793 Report

    I feel like I’m on a constant moan, but….

    My 4 and 5(almost 6) year old came to mine today at tea time and they told me they had not had not had a wash or brushed their teeth. This isn’t the first time this has happened. They also told me that last night mum’s boyfriend had gone in after bedtime and asked if it was light enough. The 4 year old (only just 4) said no, so he turned the big light on and left. Mum was shouted in by the 5 year old at some point after this and complained it was too light. Mum told them the light shouldn’t have been on, but this is a 46 year old man, with three children of his own (who he isn’t allowed to see, or only limited if he is now); he should surely know better. The youngest also turned up with no knickers and her sisters odd socks on.  Several days ago, they also told me they had only got changed just before coming to mine (at tea time again) as they had, had their clothes on that I had sent them there in the night before, because they had stayed up late watching the Teenage, mutant, Ninja Turtles film (which I believe is a 12). This was with mum and her boyfriend as it was the first time that they have been allowed in the living room since they moved into the flat. Mum got the keys at the beginning of May and boyfriend was helping do the decorating. The children first stayed over 5 weeks after this, but now, three months after getting the keys, they have finally allowed the children in the living room (the children told me it was too dangerous before this). They still have no cooker and the children eat at their desks in their bedroom. Prior to soending 4 nights a week back at mum’s they were with me for approximately 3 months whilst mum was “homeless” after being evicted because the landlord needed his property back. However, she insisted on going through housing associations, rather than private rent, despite claiming that she wanted the children living with her 4 nights a week again  ASAP. However, as soon as she got a flat through housing, she told me her boyfriend was moving in, despite her not being allowed to move anybody in for a year. However, I can’t report her as it’s yet more disruption for the children. I’m really concerned about her ability to care for them properly though and his ability does not seem much better.

    On another note, at the youngest’s 4th birthday party the girls were staying with her the night before. Her bf drove them over in his Audi TT, dropped the girls off with their gran and had to go back to get mum. As a result of this, the children were 15 minutes late and mum was 40 mins late for a 1 hour 30 min birthday party. I know this may seem messy and moany, but I’m really concerned as she seems to have no idea how to care for them properly, often forgets important things like coats, nursery bag, dates when the girls finish school, etc. The girls were overdue a dentist sppointment as she czncelled one, back when we split up in September 2018. She said she would reorganise it and take them. Today I rang the dentists and they have struck the girls off the register as they haven’t been for over 2 years. Luckily I have managed to make them an appointment for in 3 weeks time. Apologies for the rant but I’m not sure what to do for the best as I’m broke and can’t afford a solicitor, so any advice would be great thanks.

    #28834 Report

    I have offered to have the children more in the summer holidays as I’m a teacher, but she has refused.

    Regarding the cooker, she stated she had bought a big range cooker over a month ago but it’s still not there.

    The not cleaning teeth and only washing faces or not washing is an issue that has arisen before when I was picking them up for the school run in the morning  and they would be dirty and had not cleaned their teeth, so I’m just concerned it’s going to start happening again.  I’ll just make a note of it.

    Thanks for the advice as it’s easy to blow things out of proportion when you’re worried about your kids.

    My other worry is that she is trying to change access so that they are with her 5 nights in the week and me for 2 on the weekend, so I worry that they will have 5 days in a row every week without me being able to ensure they’re getting decent meals and an appropriate hygiene regime.



    #28863 Report

    I am reluctant to reduce contact and will be doing my best for it not to happen. They were, however refusing to respond in written electronic form and wanted to come to my house and discuss it with the children in the next room (I think I detailed this in another thread). Now they have said they will respond  – on Saturday the boyfriend said they would respond “next week at the earliest”. I’m not sure why it takes so long for her to put into writing the changes she proposes.

    #29033 Report

    The 4 year old turned up yesterday in an odd pair of undersized shoes. I sent a message worded as follows: “Please can you not send A*** round in odd shoes that are too small for her again please? It will not be good for her feet.”

    I have since been accused of making her out to be a bad parent by her partner. The reason for sending her like that was because she was playing dress up and wanted to wear her magic shoes. I explained that 4 year olds are not always capable of making the best decisions for themselves and their own wellbeing and this didn’t go down too well. They are adamant I am calling her a bad mother when I tried to resolve it with her, rather than going elsewhere. My poor child had marks all over her feet. God knows what they would have been like had she had the shoes on a few hours longer.

    Anyway, they’re now throwing the word “solicitor” round and I have been told access arrangements will be changing from September – I’ll head to my other post to ask for advice.

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