Is it to Early to Introduce Children into My Ex New Man?

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  • #42020 Report

    luckster26
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I dont know where to start.

    I separate from my Wife last July 2019. Nothing bad happened between us. Just out of the blue she has decided wanted separate, i did not see it coming ad in june we have had great family holiday, 2 weeks after holiday we went to her sister wedding, 2 weeks after the wedding she wanted a separate life as she felt we have grew apart and she cant committed to marriage life no more.

    Fast forward till last week (26 June). She sent me a text message, say to let me know that She will taking the children out and have a Male friend to come along. She want me to hear from her rather than the children.

    I said i against the idea because in the past 3 months we were in complete lock down. I dont care who she is seeing own her own time, but when its children involve i am quite disagree, and I think its to early to introducing a new person into their live during Lockdwon.

    I Hope this is make any sense for you guys. I just need an opinion what do you think about my situation?

    Many thanks in advance

    #42024 Report

    Graceymay
    Participant

    Unfortunately I dont think you have much of a choice legally in this situation. I think your just going to have to accept it as hard as it is. Is your issue the covid lock down or the fact that shes introducing a new man?

    #42064 Report

    luckster26
    Participant

    My issue is it of both really,  the Covid Lock Down and introducing a new man? Dont you think its to early ? or is it a norms thing in this day an age.

    Thank you

     

    #42068 Report

    Inderaj
    Participant

    Fortunately or unfortunately, i think its the norm these days.

    I’m actually going through something similar with my ex partner introducing my son to her new partner and its difficult to accept yet alone process the feelings this causes be it insecurity, wanting to hold on to your child’s affection, making sure they are safe etc. Having said that, its inevitable to some extent the main way i look at it is that as long as my son is safe, happy and secure then its going to be okay – i take my feelings out of the situation and keep his first.

    I also made a list of ground rules which i shared with my ex partner and i think that did a world of good for our situation cause it meant that at the very least i know some no go areas like disciplining my son or talking badly against the other parent in his presence etc will be considered.

    Hope this helps.

    #42084 Report

    amylou83
    Participant

    Hi luckster26

    im totally with you on this one.  My husband and I seperated and 3 month later he is seeing my best friend of 20 years who the kids called aunty.  And has now told them she is his girlfriend and before lockdown they were going on family days out with his sister!!! It makes me so mad I agree that should be kept seperatly from the children unless you have been going out for a while and it is getting serious it should all be kept seperate.  Selfishness really putting there own needs before the children.  Makes me laugh really cause if I introduced someone to the kids now like he has done and had them hanging around he wouldn’t be happy with it all.

    #42105 Report

    Amy123
    Participant

    Hi Luckster26,

     

    Not been in your position, but been the new girlfriend previously that was introduced to the son 🙂

    Personally, I think it depends one how long your ex has been with this new man. Have they been together for some time and you weren’t made aware of it as to spare your feelings? I understand it’s very difficult and all you can really do is voice your concerns to her in a calm, mature way and hope that she decides to work with you on the transition.

    I know I loved my step son, but obviously now his father and I aren’t together, and these things affect the children too. A new man certainly doesn’t replace you in any way and, if your ex is respectful, she will make sure your children know that too.

     

    Hope that helps a little 🙂

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