Is his behaviour classed as abuse

[AM1233]

Hi everyone,  I’m new here, I’ve just had enough and need advice. If possible,  a quick run of my story,,, my husband i think is abusive but I live in a rural community and I’ve never heard this topic ever mentioned in my community before, I’m 47 and he is 58. I have kids from another marriage but my eldest who is 20 they both hate each other, he calls her names and told her as soon as she was 16 its about time she had a job as he wasnt keeping  her,,my daughter just hates the way he treats me, my 16yr old is getting to that point aswell, he is a lorry driver,, but I told him before we married I wudnt live like that because of my 1st husband being away all the time,, he said he wudnt,, now he is away all week and someday 10 days at a time, in that time he won’t fone, he dosnt say when he is due bk, he just walks in when it suits him, sometimes he just comes in the front door and says,,,” what the f*k is ur problem ” amongst other things, he shouts all the time, shouts at kids, stops speaking for very little, pushes me, started to “play” hit me across face to which I told him I didn’t like that, he won’t do anything around the house when is here. I have asked him to leave but he says only way he will go is if police arrest him for assulting me, he has threatened to burn my car out, I locked him out but he took a hammer to the back door and started to kick front door in, im walking on egg shells just to see what mood he is in, he has threatened to kill my dog, I have a fear of spiders and he plays on that ,,,by telling me yes i have taken it away but when I open my eyes he has a picture of it on his fone and put it to my face so it was the 1st thing I could see when I opened my eyes, he calls me names, tells my friends I’m bipolar because I stick up for myself, I have no support as in family so its just me and my girls, the list goes on,,, i recently found his payslips and some weeks he gets £700 a week, he gives me £100. He is also blackmailing me over something that happened years ago before I got with him and threatened to tell my daughters, he didn’t even wish my daughter a happy 20th birthday yesterday,  im so sorry for the long post but I’ve nobody else to turn too, I once went to the pier as I’d had enough but I saw my younger daughter  looking out the window so I just cudnt do it. Maybe this is just married life,,, i don’t know, but i seen my mum go through a lot of the same, we have been married nearly 6 years and this has been gradually getting worst this past 4, sorry again. X

[AbraveNEWworld]

Hi AM,

I hope you’re doing better today…I think it is abusive behavior, maybe he has issues within himself, the point is though, it wont go away by itself. You need to take action, please get some help and consult someone, do it privately first and see what help you can get…maybe someone more qualified can give you the steps in how to do that-either way you cant leave it like this, bc its leading to something and the stress is not good for the body. Please get some help. I feel so sorry for your daughters, please protect them and yourself and see what you can do about it in remediating, or stopping it.

[AM1233]

He always likes to be in control and he definitely has issues but won’t address them, I think he is jealous of the relationship I have with my kids as his own daughter wants nothing to do with him, he wants all my attention but my kids come 1st, how do u argue with someone who is never wrong even though u show him evidence in black and white,  he dosnt trust me , even though I’ve give him no reason to distrust, as u said the stress isn’t good for my health, I do have health issues but he thinks its all made up , I have crohns disease and couple other issues but I’ve seen myself lye in bed for a whole day and he wudnt come near me, I have to wait on my big daughter coming home to make me a drink and sandwich, I know its the end of the line but just need to know if this is abuse so I can call my solicitor,

[GingerbreadJustine]

Hi AM1233

Thank you for posting here on our forum.  Please keep an eye out for a personal message as I will be sending you some details of agencies that may be able to help you.

Kind regards, Justine

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