Is contact likely to be detrimental..

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  • #36805 Report

    Iandi
    Participant

    hi everyone.

    Im new here. I’m single (since July 2018) and live alone with my 5 year old daughter.

    Her dad was very emotionally abusive to myself whilst we were together. Cheating constantly. We lived together from when I was pregnant until our daughter turned 4.

    He then ended the relationship and sold the house from under our feet.

    Even when she was a baby he barely helped me at all with raising her. Never did a night feed and had her alone for a handful of times. He never engaged with us as a family. Slept a lot of the time, and was on his computer the rest of the time.

    Anyway; he’s been having our daughter from school-7pm on a Wednesday. And every other Saturday morning 9-11. This is all he’s stuck to. He is unemployed and does nothing but gym all day so could have her a lot more. But guess he doesn’t want to?

    However lately my daughter has been saying some things that I’m really struggling with. As mentioned earlier he’s never built a relationship with her and just puts her in front of tv with a McDonald’s the short amount of time he has her.

    When I tell her that it’s Wednesday her mood instantly changes and her teacher has also made comments that she’s down and mentions her dad has no toys or anything. She just has to watch tv.

    She came home last week and was sad and said “I’m just sad everyone else’s daddy talks to them and plays with them. I’ve just got my daddy who doesn’t talk”

    Other people have commented that as soon as he’s in the room with her her energy changes. She’s down and shy and not her usual crazy happy self.

    A few days ago we had a meeting at the school. The Ed psych is coming in to assess my daughter as she’s suspected to have some troubles at school. Possible dyslexia. When we left the office. He said “you look like a boy” to my daughter. I could see that’s upset her and gave her a hug and told her to ignore him. To which he responded “you’re raising her to be a victim. Like you”

    which in my opinion is bullying her. He picks on her at any given opportunity. I think he’s not sure how to be a parent and believes “telling her off” is the main part, to show he’s got authority? I absolutely hate the thought of her feeling sad because of something her dad has said. Especially about her looks!! I just don’t know what he’s saying when I’m not there and if this “relationship” is actually going to end up having a detrimental effect on my daughter.

    I just feel at a total loss of what to do for the best. I don’t really have any options. I cannot stop him seeing her. He will not take any sort of advice from me or anyone else. Nothing ever changes. I can handle him being vile to me. But if it’s affecting my little girl I don’t know how to cope, how to change things.. any advice?

    #36806 Report

    KAX
    Participant

    Hello

    Take note, picture, raise your concern to CAFCASS, go to a mediation and if not ok via a C100 form got to court and request a child arrangement agreement

    You can be litigant in person and there is plenty of legal support you can find

    Regards

     

    KM

    #36843 Report

    Sandra
    Moderator

    Hi

    I’m Sandra and I’m one of the moderators.

    I am so sorry you and your daughter are having a difficult time right now. I would suggest you have a look at the information on our website about contact arrangements https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/contact-arrangements/ or also call our helpline on 0808 802 0925 and they can certainly advise you.

    If you think the current contact with your child’s father is harming your child, then you can explore other options. Also, if you are worried about your daughter’s emotional wellbeing you could contact YoungMinds on 0808 802 5544

    I hope this helps

    best wishes

    Sandra

     

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