Introducing an absent parent

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  • #59136 Report

    Cloli
    Participant

    Bit of a long winded story but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible!

    I’m a single parent to a 13 year old girl and I’ve brought her up on my own since she was born.
    Her father and I were in a casual relationship and when I fell pregnant we mutually agreed that I would move back to my hometown to bring her up on my own.
    I never asked for any financial help so have literally had no help from the father at all.
    I moved back to my hometown and he returned to the Czech Republic where he is from.
    About 4 years ago he did get in touch to see how our daughter was and maybe arrange a meet up but it never materialised and we heard no more from him.
    Last week he has contacted me again to say he would like to meet her. I have told him that it’s entirely up to my daughter whether she wants to or not. There is no bad feeling from me at all and I actually would love for her to meet him but I am concerned he’ll meet her then not bother contacting her again which I think would be horrible for her.
    I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer any advice.
    Thanks for taking the time to read!

    #59137 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    I can’t offer any advice, but I would love to hear what people suggest. This topic weighs heavy on my mind.
    my situation is very different from yours. But I know her dad will show up one day (when she’s 16 or 18) she’s only 4 now.
    Or the other scenario when she asks to see him, (he’s no secret to her) I’ve decided when she’s 10-11 (depending on maturity, going by the courts age and taking a child’s opinion into account) I will go through the correct channels and make sure my child is supported meeting her dad, I haven’t really looked into this, as it’s way in the future. But I think a professional needs to be there to oversee a meet and offer both you and your child support.
    maybe the helpline could give you some signposts. The last thing you want is a private meet that affects your child in a negative way.

     

    #59310 Report

    anikey
    Participant

    I am also interested in this and totally understand your fears Cloli, as wouldn’t it be awful if your daughter opens herself up to a relationship with her father but then he lets her down? Like Lulublue my situation is different, but my fear is that my child’s father might want to get involved in her life one day, only to cause her hurt or let her down just like he did me. But of course, there’s only so much I can do to prepare and protect her from such things, and maybe what happened in the past is just that and not necessarily fated to happen again in the future…well, we can have hope at least.

    Best wishes both, that the fathers are now older and so wiser and hopefully more kind/considerate/caring.

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