Hi. I’ve had a horrendous 2 year separation that is now on its way to divorce. It has taken a while to get to a better place but finally got back to dating and thankfully I have had a lovely relationship that is going somewhere good for the past 6 months. Now I feel ready for him to meet my 11 year old son. How do I talk to my son about meeting him? What do I say? I’ve treaded carefully with my relationship as his dad has had 2 women both with kids he’s introduced to, one of which finished.
I thought of doing something like bowling to break the ice.
I have two pieces of advice here. Firstly make sure your partner is ready, and secondly that there is milage in the relationship first. I made the first mistake where my girlfriend at the time felt pressure for the relationship to work after she got close to my son and pulled away cause she was unsure and the feeling of any uncertainty made her err on the side of caution. Secondly when this happened my son found it really hard as he felt he was at fault as he was fond of her and couldn’t understand what he had done wrong for her not to want to see him again. It was a very difficult time and I must admit I spent too long and tried too hard to try to get her back than I should have which pushed away even more….though it’s easily done when you found something great only to lose it so soon after.
Next time round I would be very cautious of introducing anyone other than in the context of a friend and even then I’d tread very lightly in terms of my son.
His mother also interrogated him about the relationship which was extremely unfair and this is something I’d not let happen ever again. He felt that it was a secret he had to keep which was a mistake. It’s much better to keep things transparent, but similarly there should never be a situation where the child is grilled by the other parent. It’s not fair.