Interim Care Order (ICO)
13 February 2021 at 9:47 am #49432
Please I need advice, all my 4 children were under care and support whilst awaiting therapy for sexual harm with perpetrator being their paternal grandfather two years ago. Last year it came to light that CAMHS believed trauma was still on-going and the only male to have lone contact with my children is their father. Without any evidence other than his odd behaviour and controlling ways towards me which got worse the last 6 months before leaving him, I made the decision to flee the family home with my children. I immediately left him to safeguard the children. Ended up in emergency accommodation as he wouldn’t leave the house. Social services made me supervise all contact which was difficult and he has made unfounded allegations such as I was coaching the children, I am an unstable mother (I have been diagnoses with ptsd due to his father abusing my children), My triggers of PTSD was my ex making me have sex most days. He has turned into some I don’t recognise since leaving him. He has not put the children’s needs first at all, I had to go to CSA to get financial support form him as he took my savings books.
Luckily, I am financially dependent. I went to family court to try and get a non-molestation order againt him as ss made me supervise contact which was awful. The judge then sent the case to circuit judge as he stated he was concerned over the children’s well-being. My ex is a nightmare and always threatened that if I left him he would destroy me and take the kids away from me. He has done his best to break me. He was made counter allegations against me which are untrue and has made the whole situation messy. He is rude towards me during conferences and calls me a liar. He is still able to emotionally abuse me during meetings. Now children are under ICO due to social services and CAFCASS recommendations and at this time they are remaining in my care whilst SS are carrying out a risk assessment and I am back in court next month for case management hearing. I agreed to ICO or it would have been taken out of my hands and it means my children gt the support they need i.e. psychological assessments, (parents also) parenting assessments on me and their father plus their therapy. I have no issues with this as hopefully the truth will come out. (I have tried for this for 2 1/2 years). All my children suffer with trauma for which I have tried to get professional help for a number of years because I did not understand why they acted this way. Since leaving their father they first regressed but now they are more settled and happier. I am managing alone and am doing well. In fact, it is easier on my own. Their father has stated that he feels I am unfit and it must be me and my family abusing the girls (even though my children have only cited him and his father)
That’s the jist of it. My whole life has been turned upside down the last few years and is not getting better. I am so scared that the judge will remove my children from my care. My husband has told the court he wants the children to go into care with strangers and not be with me or my family. It is appalling how any father could do this to his children. He knows I am a good mother and will always put them first. He is still punishing me.
My question is what happens in case management hearing and do you think the judge will remove them from my care? Domestic abuse workers are supporting me and I have a strong network of family and friends which I am extremely grateful for.
The only reason we are at ICO level is because of his counter allegations and our relationship and how it may affect the children. I agreed to PLO and have been engaging with all agencies, parenting course, counselling, working on top of that and taking them and collecting from supervised contact. I cannot do anymore. It would rip the children’s hearts out and mine if they were removed, I don’t leave them with anyone and am only away from them when I am working and they are in school. My ex is a mason and I know he would have asked for help and in the teaching profession. He is so dangerous and calculating and has no empathy and is on a mission to destroy me. He did the same to his first wife, but I only just found this out.
Please advise !!!!!!!18 February 2021 at 11:33 am #49605
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult experience. It sounds as though you’ve come a long way forwards and it’s understandable that you have these questions at the moment. A service that might be able to help with some of your questions are the family rights group. I’ve added their details below:
0808 801 0366 https://www.frg.org.uk/ They advise around options where decisions have been made by the courts or social workers around children’s welfare
I can hear that you’re trying to manage lots of different things, so it might help to have an outlet for some of the emotional impact. Family Lives provide general support to families on issues around parenting, emotional support and just generally coping as a parent. Here are their contact details:
https://www.familylives.org.uk/ 0808 800 2222
I hope this helps a little
Michelle20 February 2021 at 9:12 am #49725
Thank you that’s really helpful