Hi, my husband left me 9 months ago we were married for over 10 years, I have supported him through depression and anxiety whilst raising our 3 children. He controlled me to a certain degree until i had the courage to stand up to him and start refusing to do what he wanted me to do when he wanted me to do it. He did have a spell where he felt suicidal. When he left the children didn’t really miss him or ask after him when he rang to speak to the children they weren’t really interested, he went over a month without seeing them, then we agreed he would come on a certain day and if the children wanted to go out with him they could the youngest goes most of the time the middle one rarely and the oldest never. Well I recent got contacted by a “girlfriend” saying how he was feeling suicidal and it was the day he was suppose to see the children. So I contacted him saying someone was concerned about his mental health and said I needed to look in to this further but the children wouldn’t be free to see him that evening. He kicked off so I seeked legal advise who said if i was happy to arrange to meet at the house with 3rd party present which i was fine with as i have never refused him to see the children but i need to protect them and him at the same time. The “girlfriend ” then said how he had promised her the world etc but then turned when they had a row she later confirmed that was controlling and selfish etc and said he needed to kill me as I was stopping contact which I never I stopped him being left in sole charge of the children to protect him and them, and that a week later tried to make a move on her best friend. Fast forward 2 weeks and I receive another message from someone totally different saying how bad he treated her and how he broke her and saying vile things about me. I don’t know either of these woman but they have both found me out and told me how much he has damaged them and felt sorry i was married to him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust him he likes to play games. I just want to get on with my life and support my children the best I can in the circumstances. Any help would be greatly appreciated
Look up extreme narcissism. What you described is textbook. Unfortunately the only way to deal with this is minimise contact to a bare minimum for your own sanity’s sake. With regards to him saying he is suicudal etc if there is any concern whatsoever eith yiur kids you must take such a threat/concern seriously and do what is right by your kids. Anything else is secondary, remember the girlfriends are adults and respisible for their own actions…your kids need to be sure they are with someone safe in their care always and not in harm’s way. If you have anything documented, such as texts or emails or anything tgst would indicate a concern then save them and go see a solicitor. Maybe call NSPCC for advice?
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