In a constant competition with my ex husband

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  • #58340 Report


    Hi Everyone –

    I feel like I am in a competition with my ex husband, it’s like who can give him the best treats, actually it’s my ex husband and his new fiancé buying my son.

    I can’t say it’s a jealous feeling, it’s not, it’s a feeling that he’s doing this to spite me, I can’t afford his lifestyle and not sure how he can- but that’s another story.

    Its  constant who can provide better. I give my child everything I have and more, but I will teach him the right way to earn and get rewards, where as his father just buys him.

    I need to know how to deal with this myself because it’s sparking a reaction in, yes I’m pleased for my child but it’s wrong to some extent. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


    #58342 Report



    Sorry to hear your going through this.
    One thing I can say is as children develop  they start to understand the world around them a bit more. My point in saying this is that your Son will/should be able to see your efforts in your life.

    I think as parents we naturally want to do as much as we can for our children but usually they appreciate the smallest things! I mean don’t get me wrong a lot of children like flashy things but our role isn’t to be their friends but reliable people in their life.

    You can only do what you can and from what you have said about teaching him to earn instead of just receive thats 10/10, as we all know in life you can’t always just receive there needs to be elements of working.

    #58348 Report


    Thank you x

    #58431 Report


    Eventually we all learn that money cannot buy love. My ex sees his teenage daughter every other weekend. He doesn’t even spend time with her. He spoils her with anything and everything she wants materially. He is absolutely dependant on her approval. She is growing to be a narcissistic brat. Her mother and my ex are in a constant competition who can buy better stuff for her. Her clothes are very revealing, she is quite tall for her age and chubby, everything spills out. None of them teach her neither manners nor appropriate dressing. It is all about status and showing off in front of her mates. My ex has the same attitude: buy expensive, have expensive. He looks down at anyone who shops at Primark or Shoezone or…. A few times I had to tell him off about belittling financially poor people. I know what poverty is and I know what having good things is, and yet I stay grounded. Money comes – money goes. I know the pattern.

    I tried to share my views with my ex and his teen daughter, but neither of them have compassion or empathy towards the cheaper things in life.

    So I feel for you. That lady of your ex-husband doesn’t really understand what she is doing. She wants to be liked and so she plays a long. No matter what, she will be the one who will hear being told “you are not my mother”. Cruel game children play thanks to adults. The real one to repremand is your ex-husband.

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