I’m worried my ex is putting my daughter at risk of contracting covid-19

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  • #40715 Report

    Ljade89
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m looking for some advice. This is a long one, so I hope you have the time to read this.

    About 4 weeks ago my daughter (8) came to me and said that she suspects her dad has a new girlfriend, because when she is with him, “he’s always on the phone to her and tells her he loves her”. I had the usual conversation with her, asking how it made her feel, she was a little upset, she still wants me and her dad back together.

    Fast forward 2 weeks and he confirms the relationship, which makes my daughter very upset, In a way I have never seen her, it was heartbreaking. I talked to her and told her that it’s fine, and although me and her dad aren’t together, we are both much happier apart and the new girlfriend when they meet will be very good friends. I want to point out here, this new relationship started during lockdown.

    I had to have a chat with my ex as I wanted to make sure we were going forward thinking of our daughter (previous relationships he had he was very selfish and nasty towards me). We both agreed that the new girlfriend would only meet my daughter after lockdown had ended. I did find out they had spoken on the telephone and FaceTime.

     

    As the week went on I noticed a massive change in my daughters behaviour and she was very upset, saying she was worried that her dad wouldn’t have time for her and that he wouldn’t want to see her anymore. We both sat down and spoke to her and explained that would never happen. He suggest that she meet the new girlfriend.
    I said I would think about it and sent him this response “ There is talk that starting in June we can start meeting groups of 10 people and kids can see grandparents. Nothing has been announced yet though.

    I assume that if there are that many people, the 2m distance won’t apply anymore.

    If this does go ahead I think this is the best time for them to meet? What do you think?

    Obviously if the 2m still applies then I’d like to talk about it, again.” 

    I can tell he isn’t happy with this but hoes with it. So the government put in the new rules where 6 people can meet and he asked my daughter to ring me and ask if they can meet the GF and her son (5). I know he asked her as she told me.
    I say no and tell her that it’s not currently safe and that she can spend a lovely weekend with her dad just the two of them. I said no because the 2 meter distance is still in place, and I know he wouldn’t enforce it. He’s already told my daughter that his new GF can do her nails and her hair/makeup. And that the kids can play together. Children of those ages don’t play with distance and although my daughter knows and understands the social distancing rules, when playing I know instantly she would be so engrossed in playing she would forget.
    He went off on one at the response and told me I’m damaging her as I’m stopping this as it’s going to hurt her emotionally and that I need to get used to the fact we aren’t together anymore (I split up with him 3 years ago). I kept calm in all of my responses and told him my concerns regarding the virus and that once the 2m distance rule has gone I’m happy for them to meet. He then said that next time he has my daughter they are meeting whether it’s still in place or not, and that my daughter knows I’m the only thing stopping them from meeting.

    I have asked my daughter if she wants to meet her, and one minute she wants to and then the next she doesn’t and she doesn’t like her, so she is very confused.

    I then find out he took my daughter to his friends house, and she played with their daughter. And has now told my daughter the new GF is moving in with him.
    In my opinion he clearly isn’t taking this virus seriously and seeing how fatal it can be.
    I never want to be that mother who stops him from seeing his daughter but at the moment I fear I have no other option, he won’t listen to me with reason and I’m worried he is putting my child at risk.
    All I have asked him is to wait, I don’t see why it is so important they meet now during a pandemic, especially when he’s only been with the GF for two months.

    What would you do in this situation??

    p.s sorry the post is so long.

     

    #40726 Report

    louhards
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    im sorry you are going through this. I am in the EXACT same situation. I have two children and they see their father who also sees his new gf and 3 children…..he won’t listen when I tell him to wait. there is nothing I can do about it so have to put up with it xx

    #40734 Report

    Nina B
    Participant

    Hi! I am also in the same position as you.
    My husband met someone online just before lock down and then left it alone for a while, but he has just told me they have decided to try again and he is spending most days and nights with her and her two kids. My kids still need to see their Dad but I feel very uneasy about it.
    I know restrictions have eased slightly but you still need to socially distance from others and my husband definitely isn’t doing that!

    #40738 Report

    Ljade89
    Participant

    I’m sorry you’re going through this also. It brings me ease knowing I’m not alone in this. It’s so hard, and trying to tell him he’s being selfish and not safeguarding our daughter is nearly impossible.

    #40739 Report

    Ljade89
    Participant

    Hi Nina, I feel uneasy too. My anxiety is through the roof.

    my main worry is she contracts it and I didn’t do enough to protect her.

    #40744 Report

    Nina B
    Participant

    It’s so so difficult. Don’t beat yourself up about it though, there’s only so much we can do to protect them. Their dads have to take some responsibility, I just have to believe that he also has the kids best interests at heart. My daughter is 15 and my son is 10 so they can distance themselves from him within reason, but my youngest is 10 months and is not able to social distance. I understand lockdown is lonely and horrible at times but surely if everyone comes out of it in full health, it was all worth it? You’re husband must see that?
    I’ve basically left it that he can see the kids  but I don’t want them to meet his girlfriend and I have also asked him to try and keep his distance from her kids. They are seeing their dads and so the number of people the virus can be passed through is just never ending. It didn’t go down particularly well but if it reduces the risk of my kids getting ill then I don’t really care!
    Hope you come to some sort of agreement 🤞

    #40764 Report

    Ljade89
    Participant

    I’ve left it the same way. I just hope he respects my wishes and doesn’t take her to see them.

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