I’m so frightened

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This topic contains 23 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  GirlFriday 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)
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  • #24367 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    Hi, I’ve never posted like this before but it’s been such a long night and I feel very alone.

    In January my amazing mum died of cancer. We were very close and it’s been tough. Yesterday my husband of 12 years walked out on me and my two children (8 and 10) he has been seeing someone else and plans to start a new life with her.

    I feel so shaken, scared and alone. My poor children.

    #24368 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Aww thats awful no wonder you’re so upset. You’ve come to the right place there are a lot of friendly people on here.

    I recommend that you call one of GIngerbread’s helplines. They can offer expert advice. Maybe someone on here has experience similar losses but you need someone to listen to you not anyone else’s story (no offence to anyone reading this)

    Sue 🙂

    #24372 Report

    Hi APB09

    I’m one of the moderators here at Gingerbread.  I’m sorry you are feeling scared and alone.  I will be be sending you a private message with some signposting options.

    Take care, Justine

     

    #24375 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    Thank you thank you I appreciate the support.

    Amanda

    #24395 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Hi

    i agree with BluebirdSue in terms of even similar experiences are different but I will share how I got through.

    both my parents are long passed away. My husband walked out 18 months ago. Affair. And he’s settled with her.

    I too felt terrified and alone. I have brothers and they’re great, but there’s nothing like mom and dad.

    I felt at my worst when my thoughts of what he did, what it meant for my son, all the financial issues and moving house etc all came into my head at once. And when you wanted to scream and shout you couldn’t because you’re mum.

    So I focused on getting through an hour. If I made a decision on what we had for tea I congratulated myself. When I took some black bags to the tip I posted it on Facebook I was so proud of myself! And I talked to my best friends about how tough it was. And I accepted help which I’d never done before.

    People want to help and like to feel wanted. Let them help.

    I promise you it gets easier. I love the tip now! Daft as it sounds but I love it because it’s so easy when one day it felt so overwhelming. I’m not saying I don’t have tough days. I do. But I let people help me on those days.

    And this site is amazing. I’ve made a couple of really good friends from it.

    Your husband walked out yesterday and I’m guessing your kids got fed today. You did that. You!

    Sorry for waffling. If s tiny bit helps then I’m glad. Keep talking to us xx

     

    #24398 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    Thank you, that made me smile.

    Yes, the kids have been fed and well looked after. I even remembered to put the bins out which I’m actually quite proud about!

    It is completely over whelming and like you said my head is so full of what’s happened and is going to happen.  It’s hard that he caused this mess and I have to deal with the fall out while he is tucked up with someone else.

    I have amazing friends they have really been so supportive.

    Thank you xx

    #24399 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    You smiled! Find 1 reason to do that every day. No matter how small. If you look at my profile picture it has a balloon saying

    # always find a positive

    on it. It takes time on the dark days, but there’s always something.

    You’re already doing better than me. My neighbours still put my bins out!

    Xxx

    #24400 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    Please tell me you get to a point where the churning panic feeling eases and you can asleep.

    I am so tired but I can’t relax.

    Xxx

    #24401 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Again, I promise it does.

    remember when you had your first child? I bet you didn’t sleep much worrying about them. Questioning everything you did? And now it’s second nature.

    You are literally one or two nights without him. It’s so fresh and raw, full of unknowns.

    Deep breath. Just make one decision at a time. And it might be as small as what to wear, but it’s something you can decide without him. Each hour, each day you’ll get a little bit stronger.

    Ask  anything. Nothing’s too stupid. That’s what I love about this site. I had a panic a couple of weeks ago so posted on here and those that are further on than me helped. x

    #24402 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    A panic if I can’t do this comes over me.  The children are so upset they don’t understand but I don’t either so it’s hard to help them.

    I remember those sleepless nights well.

    I keep sending him stupid messages. I just can’t leave him alone.

    Thank you for your support. Xxx

    #24403 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Just wanted to say hi & that it does dim but it takes time. I  am almost 9 months down the line & unless I am reminded by music or something in a conversation he does not exist to me. We had been together for 23yrs and he just up and left blaming me for everything when in fact he had someone else. It tore our family apart but I have my girls (almost 20 & 15, tho the oldest doesn’t live with me) and they are the reason I make it through each day. I am out of the family home & in the process of buying a house for me and youngest DD.. it does get easier I promise x

    #24419 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Hi GirlFriday x

    Abp09 – GirlFriday helped me a couple of weeks ago when I had a meltdown about my son’s reaction to moving house. She (as well as others) gave me some good advice. As a result we’ve been to look at a couple of houses and one my son really likes. Not sure we’ll get it as we don’t yet have a moving date so it may go before we’re ready, but my son’s reaction is a massive leap forward. So thx again x

    #24422 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Thanks SingleT, I think we all help each other as much as we can here  🙂

    Just waiting to hear about my house I have been on tender hooks all day as the survey through up a couple of unexpected costly items, the vendor has offered a little bit off but I was hoping they were going to meet me half way, don’t think we will be in for half term now, next deadline I have in my head is end of June as my parents go away for a month then & I know they would like to be around to help.. Looks like it will be Tuesday before I get a reply from estate agents & to top it all my Decree N arrived in the post today – Just when I had forgotten about it all!  Enjoy the long weekend whatever you all have planned

    🙂 x

    #24423 Report

    Abp09
    Participant

    It’s good hear you have been able to move forward.

    Today I ordered the shopping and made pasta bake.

    Ive been In a state most of the day but we’ve made it! Xxx

    #24427 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    GirlFriday keep me posted 🤞🤞 and my decree N is due in next couple of weeks.

    Enjoy your Bk hol too x

     

    abp09 brill news! You are doing amazing. I cook 95% of meals from scratch (I love cooking). Me and my son lived off ready meals for about the 1st month as I couldn’t think what ingredients to buy or what to make! Keep going x

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