Im really lonely
Tagged: banish loneliness
5 May 2018 at 10:19 pm #11065
My husband left 3 years ago (he turned 40, mid life crisis, had an affair with someone 10 years younger, he’s her boss) but I moved on and found another relationship. He moved in in September so it wasn’t rushed and my kids were happy.
However that relationship has ended too. It had been bad since Xmas and he left at Easter.
I’m getting used to being on my own but I’m so lonely when I’m not at work or the kids are at their Dad’s.
How do i meet new people and make friends at this stage of life? My confidence has been knocked and I’m tired of keeping a brace face on it.6 May 2018 at 9:36 am #11068
Sounds like you have had a tough time of it. Was your recent relationship ending a mutual decision. Do you have friends and family close by or work colleague’s you could socialise with. There maybe a local gingerbread group where you live. In the meantime you can chat to people on here.6 May 2018 at 12:41 pm #11069
I am too, it’s so isolating. My husband of 10yrs had an affair and left 3yrs ago. I have two young children. Although I have friends, they are all busy with their families at weekends, as I am the only one in my group without a partner. It’s so tough, I was once such a vibrant person and I’m a shadow of who I used to be. It’s so hard to see everyone else moving on with their lives. I never though I’d feel this lonely in my life. If it weren’t for my children, I don’t know how I’d cope. Reach out to people, let them know how you’re feeling. See where the local Gingerbread groups are in your area. I need to find the courage to go along to one myself. It will get better, it has to!6 May 2018 at 4:06 pm #11071
I feel the same I’m in a life that I never wanted. People say things happen for a reason, what a load of bull. (Putting that politely) even going away on holiday with my mate and his family, he gets excited and asks why I don’t, sadly he don’t get it. If my wife was still here we would not be going away with him but he don’t get that bit. By the way my wife passed away in 2011.6 May 2018 at 5:32 pm #11072
Kentmale72 – feeling for you. For some of us, in different ways, for reasons that are entirely mystical, we wake up one morning and our perfectly happy, normal life is now topsy turvy. Not by request, but suddenly here nonetheless.6 May 2018 at 11:56 pm #11077
Sorry to hear about the sad times people are experiencing.
Getting out and meeting local people who have been through similar stuff sounds like a good idea.
Something that really helped me was seeing a professional counsellor. It gave me the time and space to reflect on what was happening to me. I seperated from my husband of 9 years back in September. It is a really lonely time. For me seeing my friends loads and the counselling really helped.
Hope you find some practical things that help through these hard times.
S7 May 2018 at 1:05 pm #11083
I hear you! I work full time whilst having the kids and when they’re with their dad, usually at weekends it’s really difficult. All my friends have family time at weekend and I don’t want to intrude on their lives.
I took up exercise, and write a schedule of things to do when the kids aren’t with me. So I start with some exercise, either a run or a walk (and a coffee) first thing – if I didn’t do it first thing I would find it difficult to even get out of bed for the day as it’s depressing starting your day thinking of how you can fill your day.
When I get home I shower then start on my list of chores. Then I do some grocery shopping making a point of buying myself a treat like a nice bottle of wine or some nice food. And then in the evening when if finished the list of chores I pick a movie, cook some nice food and then relax watching the movie, eating a nice dinner and drinking some wine.
Bubble baths are also good for filling time in the evening.
I tried going to the cinema on my own but it was miserable. However I found that if you put a WhatsApp out to a group of friends to see if anyone fancies a movie over the weekend there’s usually someone who wants to get a break from their family and joins me – usually on the Sunday early evening.
I’ve also found that I have talk radio on all the time in the house so that I’m always hearing people talking and bizarrely that helps me feel less lonely.
Move also discovered a love of audio books (but they’re expensive). I listen to utter cheesy happy nonsense books whilst I do the ironing or the laundry, etc.
For meeting new people you can either check the online dating options or if you just want some company there are lots of different groups on a website called meetup.com you should be able to find some local groups on there that could take your interest.
Be brave and explore, it’s easy for me to say but I know how difficult and scary it is in reality.
X9 May 2018 at 7:34 pm #11139
I am exactly the same as you.
I am looking around for similar people
Its extremely lonely and tough!9 May 2018 at 9:14 pm #11141
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to.
I had tried the keeping myself busy tack until I crashed out and slept for hours missing a yoga class I’d booked 😂
It’s comforting to hear that I’m not alone being in this position.
Now I just need to get out and do things I like, hopefully meeting new people while I do it 🤞13 May 2018 at 8:05 pm #11281
I am the same here. All my life is revolving around the kids, no life and all i am doing is sleeping. I have too been put in this position through no choice. Social work split my family up, while i am grateful i have my two boys with me full time, just having me time is a struggle all the time24 May 2018 at 6:44 pm #11622
HI, I’m new to this site but can relate to what you are feeling. My husband had an affair 4 years ago and we are separated, he never tried to fix it and was and still am quite floored at how it all just fell apart, I moved away as he bought me out of the house. I met a man 2 years ago he is separated but he has just basically shut down on me and wont answer my calls or texts so I have stopped contacting him now (7 weeks no contact) My daughter is older and 29 and lives with me but is on a trip to America for 4 months so miss her too.
One thing I have found is local Meet up groups just google meet up and see what groups are in your area, Its not a dating site its for people to become friends and enjoy events, drinks, a meal or a coffee together. Its really helped me.
I feel for you and I feel for myself and weekends can be so long and lonely as that’s when families stick together and they don’t want a spare wheel. Keep going and trust that life does get better and it will it has naturally highs and lows. Big Hug to you.2 June 2018 at 7:30 pm #11797
Hi. I have never posted anything on anything before. I have been reading all the comments and it helps a little that others are going through similar things. Just split after 15 years. My world seems upside down. He hasn’t seen the children in a couple of weeks. It’s getting harder to keep positive. I feel like the kids have lost their dad and i have lost my best friend. I feel like I’m standing in the world but it’s just happening around me. Everything still has to be done though, meals, cleaning and stuff i just find myself staring at it all with tears in my eyes. Will this immense loneliness ever go away?6 June 2018 at 3:05 pm #11886
Maybe there are some coffee mornings on Saturdays where you can go and actually talk directly. I find that keeping busy is a distraction, focusing on meeting some good friends is important. Red Cross maybe worth contacting as they do have a volunteer programme for visits to people who feel lonely. It happens at all ages. Best of luck.6 June 2018 at 8:47 pm #11894
I often feel lonely due to not having family /close network of people around me…. However there are times where I’ve been able to join others in hobbies & interests…..it’s a great way of meeting new people & do the hobbies that you love!
I hope this is useful! 😊6 June 2018 at 9:37 pm #11897
Thanks everyone. It’s good to know we’re not alone in this situation.
I’m taking care of myself and contacted some local counsellors, booked myself a massage and some yoga.
I’m still a bit scared but have downloaded the meet up app to see what’s happening locally. Unfortunately there’s no local Gingerbread groups.
If anyone ever wants a chat, I’m always here x