I’m lying for him
16 August 2019 at 9:55 am #29235
So as I’ve previously posted I am going through a separation (only 3 weeks down the line)
We are wanting to be as amicable as possible for our daughters sake. We have to live together until our renovations are completed on our house. Yet I am finding it increasingly difficult to maintain.
My husband has cheated on me and Ive just found sexts to other women. (So I know I am best off out of it!) but I met him when I was 21- now 38 I’m petrified!!
Friends and family have asked why we are separating and I come back with the “we just don’t love each other anymore”
Yet I know the truth! It’s killing me, but I don’t want people to hate him- I don’t want the 18 years to be a waste! But it’s not good for my mental health?
He hasn’t told his family! He wants us to be friends and where we can attend family functions together.
I live away from my family so am I am isolated in that sense. He’s currently having his cake and eating it! “Wife” and daughter at home, yet leading the single life with strangers who don’t know the situation!
Im a teacher so currently off work- took our daughter away last week as I thought a week in the sun would be a great idea- it was but now I’m back the reality hits home. This is when I found the messages from another woman! Who has just moved to our village (talk about shitting on my doorstep) I quickly put her in the picture- he hadn’t mentioned us funnily enough
He would like a separation, I’m leaning more towards a divorce as it would be quicker
Just needed to vent16 August 2019 at 9:17 pm #29280
I knew a couple who /both/ wanted an amicable split for the sake of the kids. They lived together for years without having any affairs or any deceit. Totally respectful.
Is there any way you can both agree boundaries together? Like going public about the separation/ no new lovers in the house or in front of your child/etc.? Attend gatherings respectfully as “his co-parent” not “his wife”.
Or just tell his family yourself. By all means attend a family gathering together, and take the opportunity to announce the separation yourself? Let him know that you are not going to be ashamed on his behalf.
Lying for him undermines your own dignity and self-worth.18 August 2019 at 8:46 am #29322
He is so busy working that we’ve not had chance to sit down and level everything out- he’s self employed and works in the festival industry…. but this is definitely what we need to do. I think this is why I’ve found the whole thing frustrating! We’ve decided to separate and then he’s been able to “run off” to work and I’ve been left to continue on as “normal”
He promised me that he would never bring another woman over our doorstep and I believed him until I saw the texts – I am going to have to trust that he will keep this promise
I know his family will be supportive- I just think he needs to tell them- especially his older daughter, I don’t think it should come from me but it might need to
thank you for your advice!18 August 2019 at 8:50 am #29323
I have spoken to a couple of friends who don’t know my husband or family and felt able to tell them the “truth”- it was so cathartic to be able to speak freely and not worry if they do judge him! For them to give me an honest opinion and understand why I’m feeling so low!