I’m Looking for some Advice

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  • #46628 Report

    Phild
    Participant

    Hi! I’m a first time poster so I’m not sure how all this works, but I know I need some advice from people who may have been through similar situations to me. Here goes!

    my wife ended our marriage of 16 years back last year. To save the children (we have 3 together) any undue stress or witnessing any conflict I left our home without any stress. I was absolutely distraught leaving my children but I couldn’t see them being hurt by parents falling out.

    That was a over year ago and I see my children as much as I can. It’s been a tough year for everyone with COVID and lockdowns but especially hard for children missing a parent and coming to terms with that.

    My ex partner is a loving mum I would never say any different but she has never been hands on when it comes to structure / routine ,emotionally supporting the children or disciplining them As the year has gone on the children have been left to their own devices more and more. This has taken its toll on them, more so with their relationships with each other, they constantly and quite viciously attack each other verbally & physically, their relationship to their mother is just the same.
    I have tried to mediate and support as much as I can but this hasn’t done much.

    my daughter 14 decided that she wants to live with me (to which her mum agrees) and I have been making preparations for that, I had a phone call from her school on Wednesday stating that she is afraid to go home and can’t live there anymore.
    after talking to her mum I agree I would pick her up and bring her back to my mothers where I have been staying since separating from my ex.

    Trying to find private rent has been a nightmare due to the location we live and as a single male I could not get any joy on the council housing register. I have just applied to the council for emergency housing as it’s not practical for me and my daughter to live with her (she is retired) so I’m waiting to here back from them. I have been informed that I may have to go to a b&b whilst my housing issues is sorted. I’m more than happy to do that if it means I can eventually build a home for me and my Daughter. I’m just really, desperately worried if I’m doing the right thing and worried how it’s all going to work out.

    my ex partner has met someone else and seems to be putting all her energy into her new relationship, we have had issues with her leaving the children on their own for days on end or palming them off with unsuitable babysitters, which is worrying aswell.

    Thanks for reading this, and sorry if I’ve gone on a bit! I’m really stuck as in what to do for the best, any advice would be very  much  appreciated.

    #46640 Report

    Lorraine123
    Participant

    Hi sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I was with my partner for 17 years so I know how difficult it is.

    I’m sorry I don’t have any experience or real advice for your circumstances but just wanted to say that you can only do what you think is best, try not to worry about the “what ifs” If your daughter wants to live with you because she’s frightened to go home then there’s only one option isn’t there? Hopefully the council will find you somewhere suitable soon. What about your other children are they likely to want to live with you too? Or is it just that your daughter doesn’t get on with her mum? It will all seem so complicated at the moment but hopefully when you find somewhere to live things will settle down for you. Take care.

    #46646 Report

    Phild
    Participant

    Thanks Lorraine. I think my son (15) won’t be far behind, he’s just not happy, and like my daughter was, spending most of his time in his room isolating, it’s heart breaking to see a once happy and active family so fractured. On the positive side I can’t wait to rebuild my family again, it’s starting again from scratch but I’m up to the challenge!.

    #46651 Report

    Lorraine123
    Participant

    Yes it is heartbreaking, I felt the same but nearly three years on and we’re all a lot happier now. Just because things don’t work out how you’d planned doesn’t mean your life can’t  be incredible anyway, it’s just different. Keep being positive and good luck with everything.

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